A Letter to Past Me

I have actually already done an article like this! But, instead of writing to my Future Self, I have decided to write a letter to my past self, six years ago, when I was 10 years old. Look at me go, linking stuff together!


Dear past Tati,

You’re about to go into secondary school this year! I know, you’re terrified of losing friendships and things, but trust me, for every shitty friend you lose, you’ll gain am amazing friend who will always support you through thick and thin.

I won’t lie to you, secondary school is tough. There will definitely be multiple moments where you’re ready to give up and just throw your future away. Don’t do that! Your future looks so bright and you got this.

You’ll explore and find passions you didn’t even know you had, you’ll learn so many new wonderful things, just make sure to take everything in and stay calm.

I know you love jumping into things head first, but try avoid it. Think things through and consider logical reasons to avoid doing something stupid.

Throughout school, you’ll find your voice. It’s a horrible journey to get there, but as soon as you do, you’ll be ready for whatever life throws at you.

You’re a tough cookie Tati. People have tried to break you before, but you’ll forever get up again and continue fighting and you’ll become completely unbreakable. As Legally Blonde’s Brooke Windom says: “what doesn’t kill us makes us hotter!” which is true, at least for your hair.

Don’t worry about your hair, just be warned that at the start of year nine you made a choice. Your hair is fine now though!

You can also do makeup, which makes you feel like the boss ass bitch which you are.

You’ll find yourself Tati, I do promise you that much.

Love yourself and give yourself more credit 🙂

Fifteen (almost sixteen) year old Tati xxx

Five Blessings

I can already tell you right now that this article is going to be super cringe and corny. In order to make myself still appear “cool” and “edgy” – two words you would probably never actually associate with me – I have added a few memes just to kind of balance the cringe out with “oh damn, she’s kind of funny”. In all seriousness though, every single thing I’m about to talk about is a complete blessing in my life and I am insanely grateful for every-single-thing I have listed here.

  1. My Mum and Dad
  2. My Friends
  3. My Brother
  4. Peanut Butter
  5. My blog

1. My Mum and Dad

15 Funniest Parenting Tweets Of The Week (July 7, 2019)
an accurate recreation of the hell I put my Mum through on the daily

If there is anyone who has always had my back, no matter what, it’s my parents. They’ve believed me since day one, making sure I’d be able to reach my dreams no matter what. They’re a shoulder to cry on, the best people to joke around with and, are just all around great people. They’re the reason I’m still here fighting today and the reason I have a peculiar sense of humour and, what I hold closest to my heart, they are the ones who showed me that I can do anything I want in this world. Thank you for making me feel completely fearless, you helped me at my highest highs and my lowest lows and I feel blessed to have you two crazies as my Mum and Dad.

2. Peanut Butter

Is Peanut Butter Good for You? Everything You Need to Know

Due to the fact I may or may not be tearing up over number one (I’m emotional, okay, now hush), I’ve decided to go down a slightly more light-hearted route and tell you about my one and only true love: peanut butter. When I say I love peanut butter, I don’t think you truly understand. When I was younger, I despised the stuff. I can’t really remember why but I know I hated it. That was until the summer of 2017. It sounds really sad that I remember the exact time and place, but it was the year I went to Disneyland, so I remember most of the things that happened on that trip. However, the most important thing that happened (this is debatable) was that I tried peanut butter for the first time in years… and I loved it. Ever since then, peanut butter has been there for me more than any friends or partners. Man, I love the stuff and I am blessed with it.

3. My Friends

Thanks for always putting up with my dramatic ass IIy – popular memes on the site iFunny.co #wholesome #memes #wholesome #loving #support #thanks #always #putting #dramatic #iiy #pic

If there’s anyone I know will have my back, it’s my friends. They put up with every single one of my insane ideas, schemes and impulse decisions. They’re like my babysitters who are almost as bad as me. Whenever we’re together, not one thing goes unsaid, we share it all and we’re not mad about it. I trust them with my life and they’re always so supportive, cheering me on with my idiotic ideas, while steering me away from my stupider ones. Each one of them has a heart of gold and I hold them all dearly to my heart, no matter how much we (play)fight.

I may be an idiot but I'm not stupid - Spencer Shay rom iCarly - Jerry Trainor

4. My Brother

There is not a single person in this entire universe who I want to protect more than my not-so-little baby brother. He may almost be 10, but in my mind, he’s still 3 years old. He’s one of the purest people I know and he always tries protecting me. Of course, we may not always see eye-to-eye, but that’s normal and I will forever love my small child, who I have taught all my greatest tricks to.

5. My Blog

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Even though I’m almost positive I’ve said this to death now, my blog is one of the greatest blessings in my life. It makes me feel important, as though I have a stage and that I may be able to make a change in the world. I know this is all super unlikely, but as I always say, I’m just a teen with a dream, ready to change the world at any moment.


Be grateful for the little things.

Mental Health Check – How I’m Doing

This is another mental health awareness post.  This time I’m here to show you how my life has been recently, kind of like a general update so you know why my posts have been so sporadic recently.  It’s a relatively personal post but that’s not too different to usual.  As always, my life has been a roller-coaster of emotions, feelings and experiences and I’ve been facing the highest of highs but also the lowest of lows.  So, here’s a general update on how I’m doing.

TW// eating disorders, self-harm, PTSD, sexual assault.

Recently I have been struggling lots with an array of things.  I wish I could say that everything’s perfect, but things have been difficult and coming to terms with that is one of the hardest things I’ve had to do.  Feeling like you should be feeling so much better than you are is something I’ve struggled with lots but recently I’ve found it near impossible.  There are loads of different reasons as to why I am struggling lots, all with different causes and triggers.  I can’t stay in lessons for the whole 75 minutes without taking some time out of the class just to collect my thoughts and calm down.  On the rare occasions where I can stay in the class, my focus just leaves me, and I am unable to do work.  Panic attacks are a daily occurrence and I can’t go a day without getting flashbacks or PTSD.  I’m getting constantly slut-shamed by people I don’t know and people who claim to be my friends and I can’t go anywhere alone as I am scared that I’ll get harassed as that has happened many times before.  My self-confidence deteriorates by the day and I’ve developed a toxic relationship with food.  I can’t stand people touching my stomach and only close friends and family members can hug me.  I struggle to sleep and when I do, I get nightmares and I can only go to sleep if there is some background noise like a YouTube video.  I accidentally end up in toxic friendships and find it harder to let people in and make friends then ever before.  Finally, I’ve lost friends who mean the world to me, who, before this year, I couldn’t imagine my life without them.  This may be a part of growing up, but it doesn’t make it any easier for you to let them go.

However, luckily for me, it’s not all doom and gloom.  He may be strong, but I am stronger.  Whatever he tries to throw at me, I can dodge it and it’ll bounce back or reflect onto him.  I’m honestly just very happy I have positives in my life which are what keep me going day in day out.  They can be small things like me managing to (mostly) keep on top of schoolwork.  Or one of my favourite compliments I’ve been receiving recently which is “But you seem so happy!   I’d never expect you to be depressed.”  I’m in a specialist therapy to help with the trauma – called EMDR – and it’s been working quick well! (I’ll write a blog article on it when I finally leave it) my anti-depressants are working well which is amazing – I may be 50mg away from the highest dosage but if it works it works.  I haven’t self-harmed since the 26th June 2019 no matter how close I’ve been to relapsing which is quite impressive.  I have a boyfriend who I really like and care about and it shows “I can trust another individual enough and let them into my life in a romantic way” – my therapists’ words.  My friends and family also like him (other than my big and little brother being slightly jealous that there’s another man in my life – sorry guys)  and he also reads this blog straight away and is supportive of everything I do – he’s a keeper, what more can I say.  I’m slowly getting better with physical contact and I don’t always freak out as much as I once did when people touch certain areas of my body.  I’m making a difference in my community and the people in it, helping people through things, raising awareness about what’s important to me etc.  I have an amazing tight-knit group of friends who – when we’re together – are all completely off the scale crazy but I wouldn’t have them any other way.  We have so many inside jokes and we’re all just one crazy mismatched family who support each other no matter what, no matter how crazy the idea is.  Speaking of families, my biological family have been – as always – the most supportive people you will ever meet.  My Grandparents read my blog and always message me about it, saying how good it is and how brave I am, my parents deal with my emotions day in day out and are always there for me when I need them most.  Even my aunts and uncles who – I think – don’t know what’s going on are still always so kind and loving (and they cook the best food, honestly, they do).  Finally, I’m mentally stronger than ever before.  Physically I may have the strength of a new-born baby who just got shoved out the womb but mentally I am Superman.  I may still have days which are my Kryptonite but overall, the good outweighs the bad and that’s all I have ever wanted.

So, there you have it!   That’s what’s been going on in my life for the past couple of months!

Thank you so much for reading, I love you all, stay safe and I’ll see you soon!

xo baby, Tati xoxo

Here’s a toast to my real friends that didn’t care about the he said she said

This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things – Taylor Swift