Saturday Nights

So, I’m single and I’m happy this way. I feel like you need to know this to understand the context of my story.

Due to the fact I am a single lady, I spend Saturday nights alone. Even if it sounds incredibly depressing, I have come to look forward to these evenings as I feel it gives me time to focus on myself and I have time to properly care for myself.

After spending time with my brother, when he goes up to bed, I normally call my friends just to see how they’re doing and things. I do this for about half an hour, then, when the sun starts to set, the party for one begins.

I’ll turn off all communication with the outside world, grab my Winnie the Pooh blanket, turn my laptop onto airplane mode and switch on the TV, searching for something to watch. Every few weeks, I decide to watch some stand-up comedy which is what I did this evening. I’ve always loved stand-up because it’s so light-hearted and you can just switch off and laugh your worries away. It also makes me feel less alone because of the interpersonal relationships you build with the comedian performing (media studies ftw). This evening I watched an array of different funny guys: Pete Davidson, Donald Glover, Bo Burnham and then ending with Russell Howard. Each of these comedians mean something to me, hence why I chose them this Saturday Night.

Before I pressed play on Pete Davidson, I decided to get some snacks. I normally get super hungry from around 9pm onwards so I helped myself to a bowl of cereal, a pear, some strawberries and chocolate. This may sound healthy now, but wait a few hours and you’ll see me turn into a hungry hippo!

Munching away, I resumed watching comedy, feeling at ease listening to their jokes which appealed to my dark sense of humour.

At around 11pm, I was part way done with Bo Burnham’s “Be Happy” and I got hungry again. I paused my game of solitaire and got my Dad to make me some cheese on toast. Not to be cheesy (I apologise profusely) but my Dad 100% makes the best cheese on toast in the world – no questions asked.

After entering cheese heaven, I continued watching Netflix and playing solitaire when at 1am, my Mum finally managed to convince me to go to bed. After talking to my parents for a while, I went to bed, put on some YouTube and drifted off to a magical world of slumber.

Why did I post this article you wonder? Being single is portrayed as the worst thing on earth, when in reality, I cherish evenings where I can just be myself and ugly-laugh to my hearts content. That to me is self-love.

What’s your version of self-love? Everyone is different and there are no wrong answers. Just remember to disconnect from your phone once in a while and take time for you and you only.

Love and hugs, Tati xo

Social Media Detox

After my abusive boyfriend left me, I realised I needed to make some changes around my life.  In that relationship, I completely lost sight of who I was.  My whole life was surrounded by other people’s lives – their happiness, anguish and pain and I quickly began to feel those emotions alongside them.  I became surrounded by social media – obsessing over what I posted, over who said what.  I lost the fun bubbly Tatiana I worked so hard on rebirthing after the sexual assault incident, then, after this boy left me, I realised I was but a shadow of the person I once was. 

I felt broken and unfixable.  I was back at square one with therapy and I had a whole new group of people to avoid and a load of rumours I had to try ignoring.  I had no idea what to do but I knew I needed to do something.  After a while I began speaking to the girl I’ve known pretty much since I was born (I’m afraid we don’t have any cool nicknames like I do with my other buds, but she does call me a goose a lot.  I’m not too sure if that’s a good thing or not either but I’ll take it as an endearing term.) and she told me about something she found super beneficial to her mental health.  For about a year, she had completely stopped going on all social medias and she found she still rarely uses them.  I was dumfounded.  At the time, it felt like my whole life was online and that I needed that anchor.  In reality, the anchor was dragging me down. 

For some background, I downloaded Snapchat and Instagram in February of 2019.  I’ve had WhatsApp since I’ve had a phone and I had a Twitter account at one point, but I think that was mostly to stalk celebrities.  I’ve also had Pinterest for a few months now.  I had three different Insta accounts: one for my blog, one as my main one for all my mutual and a private one for friends.  Overall, I think I had maybe 300 followers – please don’t quote me on that – I can’t really remember!  As for Snapchat, I had one account with pretty much everyone from my year at school and a couple of others.  I posted frequently on both and I was a very typical teen, posting constantly on my stories and ranting about whatever came to mind on my private stories.

After my friend spoke about how much happier she was off social media, I wanted a taste of some of that happiness.  I deleted Snapchat and Instagram in February and I haven’t looked back since.  I feel so much more connected with the world around me now and as corny as it sounds, I am really happy I chose to detox.  My phone was my life, not a part of it and it was impacting me negatively. 

Through this experience, I really have learnt who my true friends are, and I feel a lot less pressure overall about events and experiences.  I began detoxing as my therapy and medication began to work and then the virus came about.  All four of these events have helped me to eat regularly and healthily, become more self-confident, get out and active and spend more time with family and friends.

Of course, there are days where I just want to whip out my phone and scroll through Instagram and mess around online, but I don’t really feel this way anymore.  I feel I am finally getting better and I am improving, and I don’t wish to put the life I have begun to live slip though my fingers.

Even if it’s just for 20 minutes, turning off social media does give you a chance to not be involved in drama and gossip.  I find that if something is really important, my friends will text me, and nothings happened that’s that important.  This summer, I am considering getting Instagram back as that is the only social media I really miss as I love posting photos.  Snapchat however, I found this detox to be my lucky escape into a lifetime of childish fights that I didn’t care about.

All in all, try reconnecting with others more, it’s beneficial in more ways than one!  Let me know if you found it helpful or any more advice you can give!  Just remember: your life isn’t online and it’s okay to ditch the bs once in a while 🙂