Self Love Goals for 2021

Hey, I haven’t seen you since last year! ahahahaaaa, not funny Dad joke out of the way… on with the article!


Something which I began a few years ago, is instead of creating New Years resolutions, I create self love goals for each month. Each month helps me to focus on myself and bettering myself and just improving my general wellbeing. Each month usually has a particular theme which I abide to, but this year I’ve decided to set myself some main challenges for the whole of the year, and editing and adding them each month to fit with what my focus is. I have twelve main goals for 2021 to help me embrace different things in my life, and they are just overall factors which I wish to improve on. So, without further ado, these are my twelve goals for 2021! ~ Tati xxx


  1. Do more of what I love, even if that means I have to say no to people. Something very important which I learnt from therapy is that it’s okay to be selfish, as long as you are protecting yourself. I have a bad habit of being a people pleaser, something which is often detrimental to my wellbeing. This year, I am going to focus on saying no and being more honest with those around me. If they don’t understand I need to take time for myself, then I don’t need them in my life quite simply!
  2. Keep up on the physical aspects of self care. I am slowly getting to grips with the mental aspects of self love, but I find myself often forgetting that physical care is also important. Ensuring that I relax, don’t spend too much time on technology, even taking care of my skin and hair, are all vital parts of self care and this year I will be spending time on each of these things.
  3. Keeping fit and healthy. Something I found when I was really struggling with depression in 2018 was that I often couldn’t bring myself to leave the house, but exercise was very good for me. My boyfriend is a bit of a fitness freak and he is constantly encouraging me to get my endorphins going by doing cardio and going to the gym. It makes me feel a lot better even if I’m simply walking somewhere instead of driving, getting out the house or even on those days where I really need to stay in, just opening the curtains and letting in those rays, opening the window to breathe in the air! It helps a lot and I’m planning on doing a lot more of it this year.
  4. Really dive into and focus on my schoolwork. At times, I used to feel completely isolated from others, abandoned by my friends, rumours flying left right and centre, it often felt like I was alone. At times like this I began coming to terms with the fact that the one thing which would never leave me was my career and hard work. This year I am on a mission to kick ass on my AS levels, even though “Ms Rona” [as my friend calls it] has her own plans! No matter what, this year school work and getting the grades is one of my priorities and it’s definitely a helpful one to possess!
  5. Finding (and keeping to) that healthy balance of school, family, friends, a social life, volunteering, work, relationships and having time for myself! I’ve spent so long trying to work out how to do this, and I think I am finally getting there. I have worked out that timetables work well for me during revision time and organisation is one of the best ways which I can balance everything, seeing it all right in front of me instead of just in my head really helps! This year I am going to do this all 365 days! If I control my own life then nothing can be too bad!
  6. Stop worrying about what others think of you! I got part of the way there in 2020 but I will master this in 2021! It’s all about self-confidence and staying true to myself, no matter how crazy ‘myself’ is! I’ll get there in the end, it’s all about practice, it seems.
  7. Dance and sing more! I really want to start doing this again and I am so happy I decided to continue with performing arts! I have started singing again and I am slowly getting back onto the dancing scene which is super exciting! I find it all super calming but also freeing and it lets my creativity go nuts!
  8. Accept the past, but don’t ever use it as an excuse for your actions. This is more just continuing to work on the foundations which I made last year. I have accepted that shitty things have happened to me and I am now slowly moving forwards. I will try my hardest nonetheless and I will definitely manage it all at some point and I’ll be stronger than ever!
  9. Cut out all types of toxicity: friendships, relationships, unhealthy foods, contacts, just everything! I am getting a lot better at seeing the red flags which is very good. However, I still have a bit of way to go. This year, I am sure I will work my way through it all which is a very good thing. Working out what positively and negatively impacts my life is a difficult thing at first, but I have been getting a lot better at it and I feel that with some practice, I can live my best toxic-free life!
  10. Read more – expand horizons! I don’t just mean books, I mean any form of literature! The news, magazines, books, tabloids, novels, comics, you name it, it will help me become a better and more well-rounded person which is very good!
  11. Reflection is a good thing. I enjoy tracking my mood and habits as it shows me how I’m doing. I reflect on the past day, past week, the past month, gosh, even the past year! It shows me self-improvement but also self-acceptance. It helps me keep on top of both healthy and unhealthy habits too, while giving me potential reasoning about causes for certain moods and emotions. It’s a very systematic and logical which I enjoy and it’s helpful to me as well!
  12. Take more photos! Something I need to do more is take more photos when I go out. It will help me to focus and appreciate the beauty of everything outside the house. Plus, I really enjoy it so – added bonus!!

why i took a break… [general life update]

So… hey guys… It’s Tati… Hope you remember me!

I’ve been logged off of Totally Tatiana for almost three months now, and I feel I should explain why to you guys.

As you all know, I struggle a lot with my mental health as it is. I have crushingly low self esteem, I struggle with PTSD, and I have to take medication for my depressive episodes. This September something bad happened. I won’t go into details, I’m just going to say it was bad. This caused a lot of knock on effects and my mental health plummeted and I went back to square one. This took away almost all of my motivation and I felt like I couldn’t bring myself to write on here whatsoever.

Through mountains of support from my friends, family and therapy, I am slowly getting better. there’s still a long road ahead, but I’m willing to try my absolute hardest to battle through this and I know I will get there eventually.

Thank you so much for all your support recently, I’ve been feeling so much love from you all, it’s kind of insane!

Hope this clears things up slightly, I promise I won’t take anymore undocumented breaks!

Love you all, stay safe,

Tati xxx

The Best Days: Missing the Memories

First of all, it’s my brother’s birthday today, so yay him! Just reached double digits, and even though I can’t really post a photo of his face here, I’ve decided to turn him into Danny DeVito (my king) and put a photo of the king instead of my baby.

I’m not shrinking it because I think we should appreciate him in all his glory

Moving rather swiftly on from my funny five minutes, things I miss.

You are all almost definitely aware by now that I am a super emotional person and I end up missing lots of things, people and objects alike. It’ll take way to long to list every single thing I miss, so I’ve decided to talk about one of the slightly more bizarre things I miss: days out, moments and memories.

Some days are so great that you can’t help but reminisce about them and wish that you could re-live that day again. I’m here to tell you about some of the most memorable days of my life, that I still can’t help missing now. I’ve been planning this article for a while now, and I finally have a reason to do it which is super cool! So let’s go! Two birds, one stone!

  1. The British Museum

In October 2018, I had one of the best days of my life. My family and I went to London to the British museum because my brother was studying Egyptians at the time and they have the famous Rosetta Stone there. After looking at the artefacts, something I really enjoyed, we met up with my Dad (he was working in London while we were at the museum) and went to my favourite restaurant chain: Hard Rock CafΓ©. It was an amazing day and I constantly wish I could do it all again.

2. Day out in Brighton with my big brother

30th August 2019, I spent an entire day with my friend in Brighton. The last time I went there was when I was around six, so it was really nice to go again. The weather was gorgeous, we went up the I360 which was one of the most amazing experiences of my life – even though I’m super scared of heights, I adored this. We walked along the beach, played games at the pier and the weather was absolutely amazing. On a slightly different topic, the food was great. We both completely pigged out, Greggs washed down with Starbucks for a mid-morning snack, Taco Bell for lunch, pretty sure we had other snacks because that’s just how we are, and then McDonald’s for dinner, with a McFlurry at 10pm because that’s just how we roll. When I was feeling rubbish in school that following term, I just kept reminding myself of how much I enjoyed that day and how ready I am to do it all over again.

3. SITC

Even though it was two days, they were still the greatest days. I got so many hugs! I went with my amazing friend Thumper, and we met a load of new people who we instantly became great friends with, and dubbed ourselves “the bagel cult”. I felt super accepted by everyone I met and it was really cool to meet some of my all time favourite YouTubers.

4. Taylor Swift’s Reputation Tour Concert

You should by now be fully aware that I have a tiny obsession with Taylor Swift, so when my Mum got tickets to her tour, I was so excited. It was by far the greatest concert I have ever been to, the set was insane, the costumes were to die for and it was one of the greatest experiences of my life. As soon as she goes on tour again, you better believe I’m getting front row tickets.

5. The day in London with my Dad

As you can work out from context clues alone, I love London. I also love musicals and true crime, but that will make sense in a moment. So, when I was given the opportunity to go to the London Dungeons with my Dad, I grabbed it with both hands. It was so much fun, especially because they’d just introduced a new Jack the Ripper experience – something I was studying in school – so it was educational and so much fun! After we spent time walking around London, we sat in a McDonald’s (I think McDonald’s is a reoccurring theme to be honest), my Dad bought us tickets to see my all time favourite musical, The Book of Mormon, live in the West End! The seats were four rows away from the stage which was perfect and I loved it. The whole day was an amazing bonding experience with my Dad and I still wish I could relive that day over and over again.

Even though I really miss these days and experiences, I’m happy they’re memories, because even though I know I can never repeat them, they shaped who I am today and I’m so grateful to each of these experiences for giving me hope, or a safe space to think about when I’m in an awful situation. As Tay-Tay says…

Hold onto the memories and they will hold onto you.

New Years Day, Taylor Swift

Words of Wisdom

I couldn’t really decide what I wanted to write as there are so many words of wisdom I could think of, so instead I have chosen a few of my all time favourite quotes and drop them here πŸ™‚ I’m differing from normal articles at the moment and I’m really sorry if this isn’t your thing, I just feel like this will flow best, I promise I will be back to my normal writing style tomorrow, I just feel I need these two days of slightly random-ness and I’ll be back on track. Thank you so much for your love and support, it means the world to me.


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Saturday Nights

So, I’m single and I’m happy this way. I feel like you need to know this to understand the context of my story.

Due to the fact I am a single lady, I spend Saturday nights alone. Even if it sounds incredibly depressing, I have come to look forward to these evenings as I feel it gives me time to focus on myself and I have time to properly care for myself.

After spending time with my brother, when he goes up to bed, I normally call my friends just to see how they’re doing and things. I do this for about half an hour, then, when the sun starts to set, the party for one begins.

I’ll turn off all communication with the outside world, grab my Winnie the Pooh blanket, turn my laptop onto airplane mode and switch on the TV, searching for something to watch. Every few weeks, I decide to watch some stand-up comedy which is what I did this evening. I’ve always loved stand-up because it’s so light-hearted and you can just switch off and laugh your worries away. It also makes me feel less alone because of the interpersonal relationships you build with the comedian performing (media studies ftw). This evening I watched an array of different funny guys: Pete Davidson, Donald Glover, Bo Burnham and then ending with Russell Howard. Each of these comedians mean something to me, hence why I chose them this Saturday Night.

Before I pressed play on Pete Davidson, I decided to get some snacks. I normally get super hungry from around 9pm onwards so I helped myself to a bowl of cereal, a pear, some strawberries and chocolate. This may sound healthy now, but wait a few hours and you’ll see me turn into a hungry hippo!

Munching away, I resumed watching comedy, feeling at ease listening to their jokes which appealed to my dark sense of humour.

At around 11pm, I was part way done with Bo Burnham’s “Be Happy” and I got hungry again. I paused my game of solitaire and got my Dad to make me some cheese on toast. Not to be cheesy (I apologise profusely) but my Dad 100% makes the best cheese on toast in the world – no questions asked.

After entering cheese heaven, I continued watching Netflix and playing solitaire when at 1am, my Mum finally managed to convince me to go to bed. After talking to my parents for a while, I went to bed, put on some YouTube and drifted off to a magical world of slumber.

Why did I post this article you wonder? Being single is portrayed as the worst thing on earth, when in reality, I cherish evenings where I can just be myself and ugly-laugh to my hearts content. That to me is self-love.

What’s your version of self-love? Everyone is different and there are no wrong answers. Just remember to disconnect from your phone once in a while and take time for you and you only.

Love and hugs, Tati xo

Random Things I’ve Been Doing During Lockdown

See, I vowed to stop writing lockdown articles because I feel like it just gets everyone down and that’s not good because I’m here to inspire, encourage and just help everyone to vibe! But, I felt like this was a rather light hearted article, so I caved and decided to write it. I hope you enjoy and there’s a notice at the end which is kind of important!

Since GCSEs were cancelled, I’ve needed to find something to do for all the time I was meant to be revising and working. I complete all my schoolwork the day it’s set (nerd, I know), which means I have a lot of free time. I could spend this time catastrophising and falling down the deep pit of despair, but that’s very unproductive, and I love being organised and busy. (I ooze Pinterest mum energy if you haven’t been able to tell) Instead, I have devoted my time into random skills and hobbies which may (but most likely may not) help me in the future! If you’re sat at home, bored out of your poor little mind, never fear! For Tati is here!

This is also a good way to keep you busy so you don’t focus on the negatives, thus helping your mental health πŸ™‚ – I’ve got your back babes xx

  1. I can now make sushi! This is a super random one, but for Christmas last year I got a sushi making kit, but I never really had the time to actually make the sushi. Luckily, I have all the time in the world now! (I don’t actually know if that’s lucky…) Nonetheless, I have really enjoyed making sushi and giving it to my friends and family.
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

2. I’ve been doing lots of artwork. I used to love doing mindful colouring – I found it very calming and the end product made me happy. However, recently I have decided to step out of my comfort zone and draw as well. I’ve never been that confident in my artwork and so it’s been really lovely to be proud of my work – which is a rarity for me!

3. I have found solace in Solitaire. A strangely therapeutic game for me, whenever I’m bored or need to relax I just play a game of solitaire! When I was about six or seven, I used to always play with my Grandma and she’d help to show me all the tricks of the trade and I’m looking forward to showing her how much I’ve improved since then!

Photo by Midhun Joy on Pexels.com

4. I’ve organised my room on multiple occasions. I have thrown loads of stuff out of my room and it has been very cathartic. It feels like I am giving myself a fresh start and I’m trying to start a new chapter in my life. You know what they say! Clean room, clean mind, organised room, organised mind.

5. Present shopping! My Mum, Dad, brother and I are all summer babies. This means that there is a lot of present shopping around this time. Now, let me tell you this: I love present shopping. It’s an obsession at this point. If it’s anyone’s birthday coming up, I’ll make a board on Pinterest (which you should definitely follow me on here) and then I decide what present I think will suit them best. I feel like Santa, analysing exactly what I think everyone wants and what will give them the most joy. If Santa ever needs some time off, I’m your (wo)man.

6. Organising parties! This was one of my favourite things to do before lockdown, and it’s still my favourite thing to do now! I love planning things, especially parties and because it’s the big sweet sixteen coming up, I’ve been planning for that! It helps me to focus on one thing and it really helps my budgeting skills and party planning abilities in general!

Photo by Melissa on Pexels.com

7. Fitness routines. I’m a sucker for a routine and when it comes to working out, nothing really changes! I’m working on a few articles at the moment about being fit and healthy as a teen so follow my blog so you can be notified every time I post a new article! πŸ™‚

Photo by Trang Doan on Pexels.com

8. Re-branding myself. This lockdown, I have dedicated much of my time to becoming the true Tati. I’ve been working on articles here so I can post once or twice a week, I’ve been wearing whatever I want, I’ve been cutting out all the fakies and the flakies for good which is really exciting. I’m finally starting a new chapter of my life and I’m excited for you all to come along for the ride!

9. Practicing make-up looks! Every time I go out of the house, I’ve been trying a new look to go with my outfits (you can see more of my outfits here). It’s been another fun creative outlet and I know I’ll be able to look my best for sixth form this September!

Photo by Kaboompics .com on Pexels.com

10. Modelling and taking photos. I’ve been working a lot on my Pinterest recently and this leads me neatly into my news…

As you know, I deleted Instagram in February but I’m planning on re-downloading it at some point. Until then, I have appointed a new member to the Totally Tatian clan – Estella! Estella is in charge of my Instagram and she is my photographer as well as my overall rock. She is the one who I run through all my ideas with and she takes all my photos. Go give her some love and while you’re at it you should follow me πŸ˜‰

Thanks for reading, love you all, Tati xxx

becoming tatiana.

When I began this blog, I created a character of sorts. Her name was Tatiana and she was everything I wanted to be in life and more.

A sarcastic voice of reason, Tati was an outspoken girl in a man’s world. She wasn’t simply an alter ego to me, she was the person that I was afraid of being all those years.

I was a very shy person, constantly worried about what people thought of me and how I was portrayed in this big wide world. That changed when I started this blog. Tati was confident, bubbly, overall a teenage girl who appeared to be completely at peace with herself. As time progressed, I began transforming into this person I’d always dreamed of being. I was relaxed, didn’t really care what people would say about me – and trust me, they said a lot. I wasn’t just transforming in real life, I was transforming here to. I became very honest with my readers, explaining to them what had happened in my past and how it shaped me to be who I am today. Totally Tatiana wasn’t just a creative outlet anymore, it was a place I could go, a safe haven where I felt understood and not judged.

I’ve began writing about anything and everything. I’m not doing this for the “greater good”, I’m doing this for me, because I am Tatiana. I act like a queen because I am a queen. I’m so happy that this blog has helped different people, but it has helped me too.

I’m doing better than I ever was, the nightmares and PTSD are practically non-existent, my meds are working super well, I don’t need therapy as much any more, I feel safe and secure and overall content with how everything has turned out.

This time last year I was a hot mess, this year, I’m still a hot mess, but I own that shit now. I’m Tatiana and I am strong and powerful and I have finally become at peace with myself.

The world’s given me some pretty bad situations, but I keep on fighting and rising higher. Bring it on.

I’ll see you at the top. T xx