Five Blessings

I can already tell you right now that this article is going to be super cringe and corny. In order to make myself still appear “cool” and “edgy” – two words you would probably never actually associate with me – I have added a few memes just to kind of balance the cringe out with “oh damn, she’s kind of funny”. In all seriousness though, every single thing I’m about to talk about is a complete blessing in my life and I am insanely grateful for every-single-thing I have listed here.

  1. My Mum and Dad
  2. My Friends
  3. My Brother
  4. Peanut Butter
  5. My blog

1. My Mum and Dad

15 Funniest Parenting Tweets Of The Week (July 7, 2019)
an accurate recreation of the hell I put my Mum through on the daily

If there is anyone who has always had my back, no matter what, it’s my parents. They’ve believed me since day one, making sure I’d be able to reach my dreams no matter what. They’re a shoulder to cry on, the best people to joke around with and, are just all around great people. They’re the reason I’m still here fighting today and the reason I have a peculiar sense of humour and, what I hold closest to my heart, they are the ones who showed me that I can do anything I want in this world. Thank you for making me feel completely fearless, you helped me at my highest highs and my lowest lows and I feel blessed to have you two crazies as my Mum and Dad.

2. Peanut Butter

Is Peanut Butter Good for You? Everything You Need to Know

Due to the fact I may or may not be tearing up over number one (I’m emotional, okay, now hush), I’ve decided to go down a slightly more light-hearted route and tell you about my one and only true love: peanut butter. When I say I love peanut butter, I don’t think you truly understand. When I was younger, I despised the stuff. I can’t really remember why but I know I hated it. That was until the summer of 2017. It sounds really sad that I remember the exact time and place, but it was the year I went to Disneyland, so I remember most of the things that happened on that trip. However, the most important thing that happened (this is debatable) was that I tried peanut butter for the first time in years… and I loved it. Ever since then, peanut butter has been there for me more than any friends or partners. Man, I love the stuff and I am blessed with it.

3. My Friends

Thanks for always putting up with my dramatic ass IIy – popular memes on the site iFunny.co #wholesome #memes #wholesome #loving #support #thanks #always #putting #dramatic #iiy #pic

If there’s anyone I know will have my back, it’s my friends. They put up with every single one of my insane ideas, schemes and impulse decisions. They’re like my babysitters who are almost as bad as me. Whenever we’re together, not one thing goes unsaid, we share it all and we’re not mad about it. I trust them with my life and they’re always so supportive, cheering me on with my idiotic ideas, while steering me away from my stupider ones. Each one of them has a heart of gold and I hold them all dearly to my heart, no matter how much we (play)fight.

I may be an idiot but I'm not stupid - Spencer Shay rom iCarly - Jerry Trainor

4. My Brother

There is not a single person in this entire universe who I want to protect more than my not-so-little baby brother. He may almost be 10, but in my mind, he’s still 3 years old. He’s one of the purest people I know and he always tries protecting me. Of course, we may not always see eye-to-eye, but that’s normal and I will forever love my small child, who I have taught all my greatest tricks to.

5. My Blog

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Even though I’m almost positive I’ve said this to death now, my blog is one of the greatest blessings in my life. It makes me feel important, as though I have a stage and that I may be able to make a change in the world. I know this is all super unlikely, but as I always say, I’m just a teen with a dream, ready to change the world at any moment.


Be grateful for the little things.

Words of Wisdom

I couldn’t really decide what I wanted to write as there are so many words of wisdom I could think of, so instead I have chosen a few of my all time favourite quotes and drop them here 🙂 I’m differing from normal articles at the moment and I’m really sorry if this isn’t your thing, I just feel like this will flow best, I promise I will be back to my normal writing style tomorrow, I just feel I need these two days of slightly random-ness and I’ll be back on track. Thank you so much for your love and support, it means the world to me.


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10 Things Which Make Me Really Happy

Hi there and welcome to day one of my 30 day writing challenge! Day one is a very sweet one: ten things that make me really happy. I like this because it doesn’t just make me happy, it makes me really happy.

I thought about this for a while, and I think, finally, I have a complete list of what makes me really happy, so much so that I smiled so much while writing this.

  1. Dancing with my little brother I say this to everyone I speak to: I love my little brother with my whole heart. In particular I love dancing with him. We have already recreated Blurred Lines, Shake It Off and Starships but we are currently learning Beyoncé’s iconic Single Ladies. It’s so fun just messing around and having a little boogie woogie with my little baby brother.
  2. Singing and performing Slightly similar to number one, but I love to perform and sing. I play on my ukulele and I feel infinite. I love transforming myself into another person, getting into their mindset and walking a mile in their shoes. It’s one of the best ways I can switch off my busy brain which is even more chock-a-block than the London Underground at 5pm!
  3. Writing my blog is the best creative outlet I have ever had. I have a platform, I can spread my message of equality while staying true to yourself, and I love the feeling I get when someone follows my blog or likes one of my posts (hint hint) because it shows me that all the effort I put into this wild website does benefit at least one person, for whatever reason. I cannot explain enough how much I love my blog, it is my baby and I love my baby.
  4. Messing around with my friends I definitely have the greatest group of friends in the history of the world, no doubt about it. They always make me laugh – even if I really shouldn’t. When I’m with them, I feel like I can take on the world. I smile so much when I’m with them and not a moment goes by when at least one of us isn’t giggling about something stupid or…
  5. Cards Against Humanity. Wow! What a smooth transition into number five! CAH is the game that really exposes you to your friends and whoever wins is the funniest of the week. We have started a new tradition where every Friday we’ll meet up and play together. We get super competitive and we end up laughing over the most ridiculous stuff (my friend who shall remain nameless, went into hysterics because a card simply said Kale.) and we turn aggressive and choose to personally attack every single person in the group one by one. All in all, a fun game for all the family! (That was a joke, I’d rather look at a strangers feet than play CAH with my family).
  6. Going to London. London is my favourite place in the whole wide world. I love the West End, the museums, art galleries, shops, the whole shabang. The atmosphere makes me feel so… alive and some of my favourite memories were made in London. One day, I’ll live there, and that thought makes me so happy and contented that I feel there is hope left.
  7. Recreating Musicals in my room. Actually, not just musicals, music videos too. Some songs are such bangers that you have to dramatically sing along. My personal favourites are: Look What You Made Me Do, Bad Guy, I Think He Knows, She’s So Lovely, Everyday I Love You Less and Less and The Man (both Taylor Swift and The Killers). They get me so pumped and hyped and I always love singing Don’t Lose Ur Head, History of Wrong Guys and Sexy. You can bet I kick that door down like there’s no tomorrow while sashaying out with the sound of Gwen Stefani blasting from my speaker.
  8. Art. I love art. One of my dream dates from when I was younger was going to an art gallery in London (you can see the link between these), and not much has changed. I love recreating artwork and looking at it. I just find it so fascinating that even with my microscopic attention span I can’t help but stop and stare.
  9. When I make my parents cry with laughter. When I was about 11 or 12, I first watched Jack Whitehall and Russell Howard doing stand up comedy. After that, I went through a small phase of wanting to do stand up myself. I’d still love to do that now, but realistically, I know I’m not that funny but, hey, a girl can dream so dream I will! However, I feel like my confidence sky rockets whenever I say something which makes my parents burst out in a genuine fit of laughter. I love it because it shows me that I can be funny and that I say and do things which interest others to become active listeners in the story of my life.
  10. That feeling when you wake up on a Saturday, just before noon, rays of sun shining through your curtains. Birds chirping, you can hear your family – those you love with your whole heart – laughing and chatting downstairs. In that moment I feel as though the world is my oyster and it’s times like those that I realise how truly blessed I am to be alive, I pushed through whenever the goings got tough and that happened a lot. This time last year I would never have imagined this is where I’d be now, but I wouldn’t change a bit of it. It’s all shaped me into the person that stands before me in the mirror today and she’s ready for anything life throws at her, because life throws a lot at her. She’s a damsel, she’s in distress, she can handle this herself, have a nice day.

becoming tatiana.

When I began this blog, I created a character of sorts. Her name was Tatiana and she was everything I wanted to be in life and more.

A sarcastic voice of reason, Tati was an outspoken girl in a man’s world. She wasn’t simply an alter ego to me, she was the person that I was afraid of being all those years.

I was a very shy person, constantly worried about what people thought of me and how I was portrayed in this big wide world. That changed when I started this blog. Tati was confident, bubbly, overall a teenage girl who appeared to be completely at peace with herself. As time progressed, I began transforming into this person I’d always dreamed of being. I was relaxed, didn’t really care what people would say about me – and trust me, they said a lot. I wasn’t just transforming in real life, I was transforming here to. I became very honest with my readers, explaining to them what had happened in my past and how it shaped me to be who I am today. Totally Tatiana wasn’t just a creative outlet anymore, it was a place I could go, a safe haven where I felt understood and not judged.

I’ve began writing about anything and everything. I’m not doing this for the “greater good”, I’m doing this for me, because I am Tatiana. I act like a queen because I am a queen. I’m so happy that this blog has helped different people, but it has helped me too.

I’m doing better than I ever was, the nightmares and PTSD are practically non-existent, my meds are working super well, I don’t need therapy as much any more, I feel safe and secure and overall content with how everything has turned out.

This time last year I was a hot mess, this year, I’m still a hot mess, but I own that shit now. I’m Tatiana and I am strong and powerful and I have finally become at peace with myself.

The world’s given me some pretty bad situations, but I keep on fighting and rising higher. Bring it on.

I’ll see you at the top. T xx

I’m a Feminist But… [Inspired by The Guilty Feminist Podcast]

Welcome to the second Feminist Friday! I have been inspired by the iconic The Guilty Feminist Podcast – the best feminist podcast I have ever listened to. I am huge fans of their episodes and you should definitely check them out. This blog article will be guilty confessions from a feminist who does sometimes to somewhat… anti-feminist things. Just remember, I am still a very strong feminist but I’m far from perfect… Don’t forget to comment your perfect feminist imperfections!

I’m a feminist but I think the song Blurred Lines is a tune and I have memorised the Just Dance 2014 choreography with my brother and I really get into it.

I’m a feminist but I love the reality show Yummy Mummies which is all about being a housewife, homemaker, good looks, fashion and lots of money. It’s very stereotypical and reverts heavily to gender roles but I love watching it and I’ve binged it on multiple occasions.

I’m a feminist but if I’m out and I need to pay for something, I always hope a guy will insist on paying for me.

I’m a feminist but if I’m in trouble with someone, I get my male friends to back me up. (They’re also very tall so bonus fear… even though they wouldn’t hurt a fly 😂)

I’m a feminist but when I really can’t be bothered to do something, I’ll play the “I’m on my period” card to get out of things I really don’t want to do. What can I say?! I am very lazy at times.

I’m a feminist but I get super obsessed with my looks and I treat everyday like it’s a fashion show. In my defence, you never know when someone’s going to take a photo of you! I am very narcissistic if you couldn’t tell…

I’m a feminist but I shave because I love having baby-soft skin. It’s fun to rub my legs together like I’m a cricket – don’t judge me, other people do this too!

I’m a feminist but I always get slightly flattered when I guy calls me attractive.

I’m a feminist but I always wear makeup when I’m going out.

I’m a feminist but I like to impress people – whether that be with looks, talents or smarts, I like to appear like the girl who has it all, which isn’t always a bad thing!

In conclusion, no-one is the “perfect feminist” we get by with our ideals and thoughts but at the end of the day, we’re fighting for gender equality. Please comment some of your “I’m a feminist but…’s” – I don’t want to be alone on this one! Just remember, everyone is different and we should embrace it!

Love you all,

Tati xxx

Social Media Detox

After my abusive boyfriend left me, I realised I needed to make some changes around my life.  In that relationship, I completely lost sight of who I was.  My whole life was surrounded by other people’s lives – their happiness, anguish and pain and I quickly began to feel those emotions alongside them.  I became surrounded by social media – obsessing over what I posted, over who said what.  I lost the fun bubbly Tatiana I worked so hard on rebirthing after the sexual assault incident, then, after this boy left me, I realised I was but a shadow of the person I once was. 

I felt broken and unfixable.  I was back at square one with therapy and I had a whole new group of people to avoid and a load of rumours I had to try ignoring.  I had no idea what to do but I knew I needed to do something.  After a while I began speaking to the girl I’ve known pretty much since I was born (I’m afraid we don’t have any cool nicknames like I do with my other buds, but she does call me a goose a lot.  I’m not too sure if that’s a good thing or not either but I’ll take it as an endearing term.) and she told me about something she found super beneficial to her mental health.  For about a year, she had completely stopped going on all social medias and she found she still rarely uses them.  I was dumfounded.  At the time, it felt like my whole life was online and that I needed that anchor.  In reality, the anchor was dragging me down. 

For some background, I downloaded Snapchat and Instagram in February of 2019.  I’ve had WhatsApp since I’ve had a phone and I had a Twitter account at one point, but I think that was mostly to stalk celebrities.  I’ve also had Pinterest for a few months now.  I had three different Insta accounts: one for my blog, one as my main one for all my mutual and a private one for friends.  Overall, I think I had maybe 300 followers – please don’t quote me on that – I can’t really remember!  As for Snapchat, I had one account with pretty much everyone from my year at school and a couple of others.  I posted frequently on both and I was a very typical teen, posting constantly on my stories and ranting about whatever came to mind on my private stories.

After my friend spoke about how much happier she was off social media, I wanted a taste of some of that happiness.  I deleted Snapchat and Instagram in February and I haven’t looked back since.  I feel so much more connected with the world around me now and as corny as it sounds, I am really happy I chose to detox.  My phone was my life, not a part of it and it was impacting me negatively. 

Through this experience, I really have learnt who my true friends are, and I feel a lot less pressure overall about events and experiences.  I began detoxing as my therapy and medication began to work and then the virus came about.  All four of these events have helped me to eat regularly and healthily, become more self-confident, get out and active and spend more time with family and friends.

Of course, there are days where I just want to whip out my phone and scroll through Instagram and mess around online, but I don’t really feel this way anymore.  I feel I am finally getting better and I am improving, and I don’t wish to put the life I have begun to live slip though my fingers.

Even if it’s just for 20 minutes, turning off social media does give you a chance to not be involved in drama and gossip.  I find that if something is really important, my friends will text me, and nothings happened that’s that important.  This summer, I am considering getting Instagram back as that is the only social media I really miss as I love posting photos.  Snapchat however, I found this detox to be my lucky escape into a lifetime of childish fights that I didn’t care about.

All in all, try reconnecting with others more, it’s beneficial in more ways than one!  Let me know if you found it helpful or any more advice you can give!  Just remember: your life isn’t online and it’s okay to ditch the bs once in a while 🙂

Why I’m a Feminist

Welcome to feminist Friday’s!  Where (almost) every Friday I talk about all thing’s female empowerment and equality!  This week I need everyone to know why I’m a feminist…

I’m a feminist because I don’t want that baby to grow up with gender roles about how boys don’t cry.

I’m a feminist because I don’t want that toddler to grow up thinking she needs to wait for a prince to save her.

I’m a feminist because I don’t want that four-year-old to grow up being told a boy is being mean to her because he likes her.

I’m a feminist because I don’t want that six-year-old to grow up being told she can’t achieve her dreams of being a sporting star because she’s a girl.

I’m a feminist because I don’t want that eight-year-old to grow up hearing grown men sexualising her body because her “shorts are too short”.

I’m a feminist because I don’t want that ten-year-old to grow up feeling self-conscious about her stomach size, her boob size, or her butt size.

I’m a feminist because I don’t want that twelve-year-old to grow up with the trauma and PTSD of sexual assault and harassment.

I’m a feminist because I don’t want that fourteen-year-old to grow up without any form of education about consent.

I’m a feminist because I want to grow up in a world of equality and love.

I’m a feminist because I want to grow up and not be afraid of walking alone or worrying who’s lurking around the corner.

I’m a feminist because I want equal pay.

I’m a feminist because I want abuse to end.

I’m a feminist because some day I want to be up for a job promotion against a man with a similar skillset as I do and for neither of us to be discriminated against (positive or otherwise).

I’m a feminist because I’ve been waiting for the world to change my whole life.  Now it’s time to make the world change.

Why I Love the Colour Yellow

At school, I am known as the “yellow girl”.  I have a friend in a younger year at school who dubbed me that whenever she forgot my name and it’s stuck.  It’s a nice name, a lot better than other ones I’ve been called I can tell you that!  But not many people know why I love the colour yellow.  Typically, people assume it’s because I love Heathers the musical and I’m going to extreme measures to live out my Heather McNamara fantasy.  Others just know I go overboard with my obsessions and that’s why I own so much yellow.  However, even though those two assumptions are partially correct, the real reason I love yellow so much is because of what it means to me.

I have briefly mentioned in the past I have some friends who I have fallen out with so badly that the damage is irreparable.  I won’t go into all the details because it’s quite personal and I don’t want to share that just yet.  However, one of the reasons we drifted is because I never fit into the “mould” of a girl they wanted.  They wanted shy, submissive, quiet, smart, subtle, and everything I am the total opposite of.  In one period, I was being forced so much into this mould my vigilante-self came out and I began standing my ground – a quality I’d never shown to others before then.  You may be wondering where yellow comes into this so here you go…

When the colour yellow was a big fashion trend, my friends hated it.  I’m still unsure why but they despised the colour so much, but I found it strange.  The clothes some of these girls were wearing on non-school-uniform days were beautiful.  It honestly made some of them glow like the sun. However, it made my friends red with anger.  So, me being me, I decided to buy something yellow.  As silly as it sounds, I decided to stand up for the colour yellow by buying yellow.  I love the film Clueless and I wanted a skirt like Cher’s and when I saw someone in London with that yellow skirt, I knew what I wanted.  I begged my Dad and he bought me the skirt from Pretty Little Thing.  I was so excited when it arrived, I immediately took countless photos of it and set it as my profile picture on WhatsApp.  I felt so empowered!  I hadn’t worn a skirt before then since I was 5 so it was exciting.  To me, this skirt wasn’t just an item of clothing, it was a fragment of another world I’d been trying to get into for so long, but I had been so afraid to.  This skirt was a new perspective of the world for me, a perspective where I could be a feminist and wear girly clothes.  A perspective where I didn’t have to be worried about what he would say.  A perspective in which I can wear whatever I want and not have to be worried about what people say.  When I put on that skirt, I wasn’t Tatiana, I was Cher, a slightly (well completely) clueless teenager who people loved who did make mistakes, but she owned up to and grew from them.

To this day I still wear that skirt and without fail, whenever I wear it, I feel strong, empowered and fearless. [I also feel hella cute – but that’s beside the point!]

There you have it!  That’s the story of why I love the colour yellow so much.  It’s because of what it represents.

Viva le resistance!  xo baby, Tati xoxo

P.S – Random Fact: I used to love the colour yellow when I was a titchy Tati so full circle!