The morning of the 20th August 2020 will definitely go down as one of the most panic inducing mornings in history. Why? It was the day of my GCSE results.
This year GCSE results were very different… for obvious reasons. The thing that stressed me out the most however, was the fact that we had no idea how we’d done. We only had mock papers from school to go on and that’s not the most accurate source of data.
On the night before the mocks, I lay awake panicking. I was on the phone to my friends until 4am because I simply couldn’t sleep, then only to get a grand total of two hours sleep that night. I was terrified. My whole life I’d had people telling me I’d never amount to anything and that I was a good for nothing whore. Even though that’s total bullshit, I felt like this was my one chance to prove them wrong.
All I was hoping was that I would pass five exams with at least a four; including English lit, English lang and maths. My actual results were better than I could’ve hoped for.
After my first set of mocks in January, I was predicted the following grades in each subject:
English Language: 3
English Literature: 5
Maths (foundation): 4
Design and Technology: Textiles: 1
Performing Arts: Merit
As you can tell, I passed a few, but not exactly monumental. After getting back these results in January, I began really putting the work in and thankfully, it paid off. My results in August 2020 were as follows:
Not only did I pass everything with a high pass, but I majorly surpassed my expectations with all the grades I got! In particular, I didn’t just get a distinction in Performing Arts, but instead a distinction* – the highest grade you can get!
Even though the results are clearly not by any stretch of the imagination amazing, considering my mental health was not amazing and I struggled lots with focusing and trauma. If I can do something like this while struggling, imagine what my A Level results will be like, when I’m passionate about a subject and I’ve left behind all the toxicity!
If anyone’s about to take their GCSEs, my advice would be, follow the deadlines, work hard on coursework, revise a fair amount, and make sure you understand the work! Ask questions and, as aforementioned, stick to the deadlines! I have lots more tips and tricks on my school page. There, I talk about focus, mental health and information about revision I wish I knew! I hope it’s helpful to you and I hope you enjoyed this article! I know I’ve been messing up the 30 Day Writing Order, but by the end of August, there will be 30 posts out, just maybe two in one day. Sorry for any inconvenience caused, all the best, love you all!
Finally, after many months of waiting, I am sixteen! I feel like I’ve just levelled up in the game of life, or evolved as a Pokemon. My XP is heightened, and I have gained new skills and I am more powerful than before. Of course, all of that is total bs, but a girl can dream!
I woke up very early – early for me at least: 7:40am. I opened my presents (I was honestly spoilt rotten and I cannot say thank you enough!)
I got ready at around 11am, I had a long bath; using the Spa Pamper Collection from Calcot Spa which I got for my birthday and I am obsessed with! I felt like a princess just bathing with bubbles galore. After that, I began sorting out my outfit, my makeup, all that jazz. My outfit and where you can get it from is all below so feel free to check it out and steal my look!
From Top-to-Toe: Snake Necklace from Lovisa, bodysuit and shorts both from New Look, rings all from Lovisa, nails from Primark in the shade “toasted” and thigh high boots from Asos.
Unfortunately, I didn’t get many photos of my makeup, but I will keep looking to see what I can find!
For the rest of the morning, I helped (and by helped I mean watched) my Dad turn our garden into something which looked like it had come straight out of Pinterest!
Due to the fact I didn’t actually get any photos of the gazebo clean, here’s one with me and a few of my friends from the end of the evening, ft the debris that was the food we ate.
Fairy lights from Homebase, Gazebo from Lidl, Balloons from Amazonand cups from Flying Tiger.
All in all, it was an amazing day and I want to thank everyone who made it so special❤️
I have a lot of things on the agenda today, so I’m going to try go through them all as fast as I can but with enough detail. This article is a bit all over the place – as many of them have been this month – so allow it please! I’m splitting this post into three different sections, as none of this really flows all together. We’re going to start with some general announcements, updates, as we usually do on the here at Totally Tatiana. I say we, like it’s not just me orchestrating the entire blog here. Then, it’ll be the content you’re actually here for and finally some important announcements and information about the future of this blog. I hope this all makes sense!
First of all, it’s my birthday today! I am finally legal! Very exciting stuff! I’m planning some birthday-related articles which should be published before September – but please don’t hold me to that!! I might just post them as and when.
While I was thinking about what word to use, I looked to my left and I saw my newest addition to the random crap I buy when I’m out: a plush pig with a tutu.
Due to the fact that Jezebel is a tutu-wearing pig, I decided my random word would be ballet. I followed the rules and was given this photo:
According to Pinterest, this is Liza Chertikhina – a Russian ballerina from the Bolshoi Ballet Academy. I love ballet, I danced for a decade and I loved every minute of it. Whenever I have to choreograph dances for performing arts I always make sure to incorporate either contemporary dance or ballet into my choreo.
Truthfully, I kind of wish I could do that but I know I am the opposite of flexible so my talents are quite limited. Sad times. However, I think I’m going to try practice and work on doing the splits. This woman is also on pointe which is something I used to dream of doing. It’s kind of sad because it feels like I’ve given up on my dream of being a prima ballerina but I am moving onwards and upwards which is exciting stuff!
Sorry this was so sort, I don’t really know what to write about.
Finally, some overall updates. Just general information and things.
As you all know, I have done the 30-day writing challenge throughout August and as fun as it has been, I’ve been finding it slightly stressful. I am a massive perfectionist and I’ve been adding loads of unneeded pressure on myself. This has also taken a lot more time than I thought it would and while I was meant to be having a blog break this August, I’ve ended up working harder than ever. It’s currently the 22nd August and I thought I’d be long done but I am so so close! After this month, I’m going to go back to usual casual blog posts. I’m planning to write either one article a fortnight or one article a week – it depends how busy I am with Sixth Form. These posts will be high quality – that’s the Totally Tati guarantee.
That’s an update on my blog, I hope that this makes sense! If you enjoyed this then please like, it means the world to me 🥰
As I’ve worked my way through secondary school, I’ve learnt plenty of things the hard way. But I think the hardest thing I’ve learnt is that life isn’t a fairy tale and some people are just evil.
I like to see the best in people. However, people aren’t always great.
When you’re younger, you’re told fairy tales about how the mighty prince defeats the evil witch and saves the princess. However, when you get older, the like between good vs evil becomes gradually more blurred and that person you thought was your knight in shining armour could actually be a heartless witch in disguise.
The whole idea of good vs evil is something that really fascinates me. Are you born evil or are you raised that way? Can an evil person have a redemption arc? I’m in the process of researching for a properly science style article about the nature v nurture debate and how it can impact a person. That should be published next month at some point so follow my blog if you want to check that out!
Back onto topic, when I was younger, I dreamt of someone sweeping me off my feet and love at first sight and all that soppy crap. Now I’m older, I’ve finally started to realise that the world isn’t all blue skies, sunshine’s, and tan lines.
I don’t know when I got so cynical, but it was most likely after I got sexually assaulted for the first time. [I’m sorry, that was so blunt, I just don’t know how else to word it]. That was a turning point in my life. Yes, my short 15-year-long life. I realised that evil isn’t just confined to the pages of a book I read when I was five; but instead it’s a real thing, prowling, lurking around every corner, ready to jump out like a figment of your worst imagination.
So, life isn’t a fairy tale. It took me a long time to accept that, longer than I’d like to admit. However, now, I like to think that life is more of a comic book, and I’m Wonder Woman or something and I fight for justice while battling evil and looking hella good along the way. And, I’m okay with that. It’s better to be the damsel in distress who can handle it than the damsel in distress who’s weak and defeated.
As I always say, they may have tried to break me, but they forget I’m unbreakable.
Honestly, this isn’t my proudest work, but out of all the drafts I made for this article (trust me, there were loads), I liked this one the most. If you did enjoy this though, please like it, it’ll mean the world to me!
I have actually already done an article like this! But, instead of writing to my Future Self, I have decided to write a letter to my past self, six years ago, when I was 10 years old. Look at me go, linking stuff together!
Dear past Tati,
You’re about to go into secondary school this year! I know, you’re terrified of losing friendships and things, but trust me, for every shitty friend you lose, you’ll gain am amazing friend who will always support you through thick and thin.
I won’t lie to you, secondary school is tough. There will definitely be multiple moments where you’re ready to give up and just throw your future away. Don’t do that! Your future looks so bright and you got this.
You’ll explore and find passions you didn’t even know you had, you’ll learn so many new wonderful things, just make sure to take everything in and stay calm.
I know you love jumping into things head first, but try avoid it. Think things through and consider logical reasons to avoid doing something stupid.
Throughout school, you’ll find your voice. It’s a horrible journey to get there, but as soon as you do, you’ll be ready for whatever life throws at you.
You’re a tough cookie Tati. People have tried to break you before, but you’ll forever get up again and continue fighting and you’ll become completely unbreakable. As Legally Blonde’s Brooke Windom says: “what doesn’t kill us makes us hotter!” which is true, at least for your hair.
Don’t worry about your hair, just be warned that at the start of year nine you made a choice. Your hair is fine now though!
You can also do makeup, which makes you feel like the boss ass bitch which you are.
You’ll find yourself Tati, I do promise you that much.
I’m almost positive that this will expose my bizarre music taste, but oh well! Please don’t judge me too much ~ I will explain the slightly more questionable songs, rest assured!
1. betty – Taylor Swift
A wholesome song with a wholesome message with some not-so-wholesome words. Listen to folklore it’s amazing.
2. CALI SUPERBLOOM – push baby
I love push baby sO MUCH. There songs are perfect as you can both vibe and relate to them and the music video for this song… *mwah* magnifique
3. Don’t Just Stand There Do Something – Kaiser Chiefs
No explanation needed 😜
4. London Boy – Taylor Swift
Okay, maybe, just maybe I have an obsession with a certain pop goddess, but can you really blame me?!
5. Crazy – Gnarls Barkley
Just thinking about this song makes me casually bop my head up and down, of course it’s on my phone!
6. Mamma Mia – ABBA
I am aware I have an eclectic taste in tunes. Doesn’t mean I can’t love ABBA!
7. Land of Lola – Kinky Boots
I’m a Performing Arts student who dreams of playing Lauren in Kinky Boots, did you really expect anything else?!
8. Killer Queen – Queen
Honestly, unpopular opinion, my all time favourite Queen song. I love the historical links and mmm it’s catchy. Don’t forget the harmonies!! Whenever I listen to the “she’ll absolutely drive you wi-ild” part, I’m almost certain that part of my soul goes to heaven.
9. Gangsta’s Paradise – Coolio
What a bop. That’s all.
10. She’s So Lovely – Scouting For Girls
Awee my childhood!! I used to sing this song all the time! I still love Scouting For Girls now so it’s nice that nothing has changed 🙂 Old habits die hard, what can I say? And good bands never die, this band is no exception!
At the time I’m writing this. I’m 30 followers away from reaching 100 on this blog! If I’m able to get those last 30 people to follow my blog before I turn 16, I will be over the moon. So please, if you haven’t already, like this article and follow my blog! It means the absolute world to me and I’ll feel like I’m making a difference.
I love you all, thank you for reading and I’ll see you tomorrow 🙂
I like this topic! It’s quite different but it’s a thinker and I’ve worked out exactly what I want my kids to learn. I don’t really want kids, but if I ever change my mind, this is what they need to know. I could have a few stupidly obvious things, but I’ve decided on three different things that I’ve learnt throughout the years. God, I say years like I’m old, I’m still not 16 yet! Yikes. Anyway… on with it!
1. Life’s not fair, get used to it.
A quote pulled directly from my Dad’s getting-your-daughter-to-shut-up-dictionary. Ever since I can remember, if I’ve ever complained about something pretty miniscule, my Dad would say that phrase. When I was younger, I always thought it was really mean, but now I’m older [yep, still acting like I’m super old. This will almost definitely be a reoccurring theme], and (a smidge) wiser, I realised it’s actually true. Life sucks, man. Either you can moan and groan at every single small issue, or you can shut up and strive on. The only way for unimportant things to leave you alone, is to walk around them in your path of life. Get used to the small annoyances in life so you can face them all head on when you’re ready.
Slight side-note, but please appriciate that ever since these imaginary kids have appeared, I am acting like I’m some sort of a prophet/God. Is this what having kids does to you? Wow, I have so many questions!
2. Aspire for success, and don’t accept anything less.
Kind of a cute story behind this one. I was talking to someone about how shitty all my ex boyfriends were and he said this to me. Even though he meant it about partners, I feel like this applies to pretty much anything. I just love the idea of aiming high and achieving it, and I feel like these “words of wisdom” pretty much mean that you should never rest on your laurels, no matter how much easier that may be. You were bought here to achieve great things, so it’s only fair that you at least try.
3. Never shut up. It’ll be your greatest quality.
In my lifetime I have been called almost every slur in the book. All because I stand up for what I believe in. Make sure that if you believe in something so strongly, you will go to the ends of the earth to get your voice heard. As you grow older, your voice will merely become louder and those who try silence you are just jealous. Be proud of yourself, you’ve made it this far 🙂
This is an interesting topic! I feel like it says a lot about me because I didn’t even really think about this post, I just thought of my top three celeb crushes and boom day 20 is all done! Simples!
I don’t think I’ve ever seen a man who has never aged in his life. I’m 90% certain that he was the inspiration for The Picture of Dorian Gray. Just look at this man! He’s 53 and he looks like he’s in his late 30s. He needs to drop the skincare routine ASAP.
2. Mathew Baynton
You may not recognise the name, but if you were born in the 2000’s you’ll know this mans gorgeous face. He was on my favourite CBBC show, Horrible Histories, a show I would give my right leg to star on. This man is also a feminist icon and I have so much respect for his talents, particularly his singing on Horrible Histories. Not to flex or anything, but I know all the words to the Dick Turpin Highway Man Song and I’ve mastered the Charles II’s King of Bling song also. Baynton is my childhood, and watching him in a curly wig, dancing in a historical building is part of what has shaped me to be who I am today.
3. John Krasinski
Who doesn’t adore Jim from The Office? Look at this insanely talented man. Honestly, just his acting credentials take my breath away, but then you see this mans face. Okay, that may have been too far, but him and Emily Blunt are the power couple of my dreams. All I need in life is to find a John Krasinski and I will be very happy.
Looking back over my little list, I realise I may have accidentally given myself a type… I didn’t mean to! These are just three unproblematic, attractive men who I both respect and want to meet 🙂
I feel kind of bad because I’ve already done this post, except for 40 facts… But… I’m going to try think of another thirty anyway! Surely I’ll be able to think of some more… Well, here goes nothing!
I have absolutely no piercings and I’m not planning on changing that anytime soon. However, I do wear fake hoop earrings and I went through a phase when I was younger of really wanting my eyebrow and lip pierced – this is when I was eight or nine. I was a strange kid.
2. Even though I’m super scared of needles, I really want to get tattoos when I’m older. I’ve always found tattoos super cool and artistic and I already have plans for some 😉
3. I love snakes with my whole heart. I live in a pet-free household and my dream pet is a snake, in particular a Kingsnake. I know a lot about them and as soon as I’m financially stable I’ll be getting myself a snake.
4. I despise tea and coffee. All hot drinks to be honest. I can’t stand them because I worry I’ll either burn my mouth or it’ll be too cold. They also all just taste of hot water. I’m sorry about all the bridges I just burnt by saying that… I like one particular type of hot chocolate if that counts?
5. True crime is something that really fascinates me. I watch all the documentaries, read the books, the whole shabang. It intrests me so much, I’ve been considering starting a new project on my blog this September, alongside Mental Health Monday’s and Feminist Fridays: True Crime Tuesday’s! Where each article I talk about something true crime themed. If that would interest you then stick around until September and you won’t be disappointed!
6. Similar to that point, when September comes around, I’ll finally have an uploading schedule! Everything is pretty up in the air at the moment around here, so when September comes around, I’ll have at least one new article out a week! I’ve been working out how I can do this for a while now, and I think I finally have a gameplan.
7. I always claim to adore horror films, which I do, I just can’t stand the jump scares and suspense. I find it so cliché… and it scares me a little… well maybe a lot. I’ll happily watch a scary movie with you, as long as I can hide behind you when it gets too intense.
8. I’m terrified of planes. I also get super travel sick so being next to me on a long haul flight is not fun at all.
9. I really want to try out an Ouija Board, just because I’m super curious about what would happen and all about the supernatural. I find it intriguing, if a bit bogus, but I’d like to find out first hand instead of just watching crappy YouTube Videos where it’s mostly fake.
10. Halloween is my all time favourite holiday, I love being able to dress up and all the decorations. I have a folder on Pinterest purely for Halloween costumes.
11. I’ve recently been on a slight make-up bender. I’m obsessed with the stuff and I feel like I need more of everything. It’s a pretty big problem at this point. The problem being for my bank account, I don’t have the funds for that 😦
12. Buying presents for people I love makes me so happy, I love planning it all out and when I was younger I used to think I’d be great as one of Santa’s little elves.
13. I love staying organised, but I can’t keep my room clean to save my life! I’ll have loads of big plans, but I’m like a tornado who can’t help but cause a trail of destruction everywhere I go.
14. I love things like Trivial Pursuit and Quiz nights.
15. I have a notebook for every occasion. I am a total stationary fiend and next to me right now, I have my rough notes book, my rough school notes book, my bullet journal and my random thoughts journal. I don’t think you understand how excited I get when someone gets me a blank book. That will be my baby for the next month.
16. I’m the type of person who laughs at everything. I’m the worst person to be around when you’re telling bad news because my mind will instantly go to something funny to say, but before I have the chance to say it my brain will automatically go “haha, that is the funny” so I giggle.
17. When I was a kid I thought I sprayed bleach in my eye. There was a squirty bottle (I have no clue what they’re called but it was like the ones which Dettol comes in) and I had no idea if the cap was closed or not. So, smart little Tati decided to look at it dead in the eyes and spritz myself. I thought it was bleach or something that would blind me for so long, I felt the burning and everything! It wasn’t until my poor Mum came downstairs and told me it was just pure water which she put in a bottle so she could clean things easier.
18. On a similar topic of eyes, I wear glasses! Well, I should, for watching TV and things, but I don’t because I’m a wild child. The reality is I’m super forgetful and I’ll be downstairs when I remember and by then I’m too lazy. That’s probably something I should sort out.
19. I used to be a massive fan of fizzy drinks, but I’ve really gone off them. The only carbonated (oo look at me using big words) drink I enjoy is Fanta.
20. When I was younger, I went through a phase of being camera obsessed. I loved the whole idea of them, I learnt about their backstories, I read all my Dad’s books and magazines on camera angles, and it was something I really enjoy doing. Unfortunately, I don’t do it anymore, and even though I really wanted to take it as an A Level a few years ago, I can’t now because I’m already taking four options. It’s actually kind of sad because that was my dream for so long. I still take photos, it’s just not really the same because it’s only on my phone.
21. On the topic of random hobbies, I used also adore playing golf! I still do to be fair and I’ve challenged both my Grandad and my friends partner to a round of golf where I will be super duper competitive.
22. I love reading so much, however, I haven’t read in over a month and that honestly really upsets me. I keep meaning to read, but I choose my blog instead, so as soon as this 30 day challenge is done, I will be spending some time just reading.
23. Nothing has changed since last time, I still adore dinosaurs with my whole heart. However, my collection has grown! I now have a triceratops called Tristan and a T-Rex called Danny DeVito. They are both firm members of the Tati clan and were given to me by two of my closest friends.
24. A strange guilty pleasure of mine is Just Dance. I get super competitive and end up trying wayyy harder than needs be. I just have to win!
25. As you can tell, I am a very competitive person. One of my most common sayings is “anything you can do, I can do better” and it can be true! Sometimes at least. I don’t give up on much and I’ll never back down from a challenge. It’s one of my worst/best qualities depending on how you see it.
26. I can’t stand wearing lip stick, but I adore wearing lip gloss! Whenever I’m nervous, you’ll see me adding another layer of gloss to my already sticky lips. Ew, I’m sorry for that gross mental image.
27. I love watching stand up comedy, it’s one of my forms of self care when I watch some.
28. I can’t knit to save my life. I’ve tried, and for every stich I drop, I gain at least five. I don’t give up though!
29. I’m currently obsessed with jelly beans! I have a massive sweet tooth and I can’t help but eat loads of sugar. It’s really unhealthy and I’m super hyped up as it is so I’m trying to cut down, but it’s hard! I’m considering going sugar-free for a month… I have been for a while, but I need to research more into it. I’ll keep you guys updated!
30. I’m desperate to dye my hair, but I’m worried about bleaching it, but my hair is too dark for it to show up. Before you ask, yes I have looked at brands made for dark hair, but I’m considering just getting extensions. Yet another thing I’ll be updating you on, so please follow my blog if you want updates on those aspects (and many other aspects) of my life!
Halfway through this challenge! It’s taking a lot longer than expected, but I don’t mind because I enjoy talking about myself 🙂
Today we’re talking about an interesting topic: star signs! As for my opinions surrounding astrology, I’m pretty on the fence about star signs. I find them fun and pretty interesting, but I don’t take them super seriously.
So that we’re all on the same page, I’m a Virgo and my element is fire.
As we’re purely focusing on Zodiac signs, let’s look into the typical traits of a Virgo and see how many I align with. I’m going to go through a list of typical Virgo characteristics and see which ones I agree with. (Source: astrostyle.com)
Dedicated – Honestly, I get bored of things pretty quickly. However, when I put my mind to something, I normally persevere until the end.
Helpful – I try to be helpful because small acts of kindness are what make the world go around!
Hardworking – I’d like to consider myself a hardworking individual, but I have the attention span of a fish so I’m not as hardworking as I’d like to be.
Witty – I’d love to be witty but I’m really not.
Practical – Occasionally I am a practical person, but more often then not I’ll just sit still and complain instead of trying to improve.
Preachy – Have you seen my blog?! I am the preachy-est person you’ll ever meet, and honestly, until people start listening, Papa will keep Preaching! (That was a very niche reference so kudos if you understand!)
Self-destructive – I feel personally called out. I am a very self-destructive person, commonly making bad choices which will harm me at some point in time. I’m like a tornado!
Overwhelmed – I try to be a pretty chilled person, but I get easily overwhelmed in stressful situations.
Self-pitying – I used to, but now I avoid it like the plague. There’s no point in feeling sorry for yourself, if you want there to be a change in the world, you have to be the change.
Uptight – I am the opposite of uptight. I try my hardest to be a chilled, accepting person who isn’t fazed by much. So, even though my friends most likely disagree, I’m not at all uptight!
Critical – If I’m ever critical, it’s only to myself. I find it near impossible to give criticism, constantly fearing I’ve hurt someone’s feelings. You can tell I really love you when I don’t sugar-coat things and just tell you how to improve.
Laptops – I mean, I’m currently writing this on my laptop so I guess I do love it.
Magazines – I do love magazines actually! I just find it so cool having a physical copy of something loads of people have put work into. I think that’s the same reason I prefer real books over ebooks.
Long showers with aromatherapy soaps – I actually don’t enjoy long showers. I’m in there for one reason and that is to clean and groom. Anything else can be done out of the shower and I’m happy to keep it that way.
Outdoor concerts – I mean outdoor concerts can have fireworks!! Is there really a competition between stadium vs arena concerts? I didn’t think so.
Childhood friends – Ehhhhh well….. I guess secondary school friends count? But I’m not that close to anyone from my childhood.
Trivial Pursuit – Obsessed. I find general knowledge quizzes the best type of quizzes.
What You Hate:
Lazy or vulgar people – Half true. Lazy people frustrate me, even though I can be super lazy myself and I’m also pretty vulgar, to a point. So, I really just hate my own kind!
Dive bars – I don’t actually know what these are… Bare with me… Ah okay. I’ve never been to one so I think I need to explore one before making a decision.
Spicy food – This is very true. I’m a mixed kid who despises spice, it’s a curse.
leaving home – I love getting out of the house! It gets boring after a while… To be fair though, I did have to spend three months inside with nothing to do so that answer’s not really a shocker.
toothpaste squeezed from the top of the tube – I’m not fussed about this stuff. I was thinking about how I squeeze out toothpaste and I realized I have no idea, so I guess I’m pretty chilled about this whole toothpaste thing.
In conclusion, I am quite similar to my star sign, but I do have some differences. I guess that’s the same for everyone though. This still hasn’t changed my opinions on astrology, I still find it pretty intresting but I think it should be taken with a pinch of salt.
If you enjoyed this post, please like and comment your thoughts and opinions on astrology. What’s your star sign? Opinions? If you enjoy my blog please follow it, it means the world to me and it shows I’m making a difference.