Hard Lessons

As I’ve worked my way through secondary school, I’ve learnt plenty of things the hard way. But I think the hardest thing I’ve learnt is that life isn’t a fairy tale and some people are just evil.

I like to see the best in people. However, people aren’t always great.

When you’re younger, you’re told fairy tales about how the mighty prince defeats the evil witch and saves the princess. However, when you get older, the like between good vs evil becomes gradually more blurred and that person you thought was your knight in shining armour could actually be a heartless witch in disguise.


The whole idea of good vs evil is something that really fascinates me. Are you born evil or are you raised that way? Can an evil person have a redemption arc? I’m in the process of researching for a properly science style article about the nature v nurture debate and how it can impact a person. That should be published next month at some point so follow my blog if you want to check that out!


Back onto topic, when I was younger, I dreamt of someone sweeping me off my feet and love at first sight and all that soppy crap. Now I’m older, I’ve finally started to realise that the world isn’t all blue skies, sunshine’s, and tan lines.

I don’t know when I got so cynical, but it was most likely after I got sexually assaulted for the first time. [I’m sorry, that was so blunt, I just don’t know how else to word it]. That was a turning point in my life. Yes, my short 15-year-long life. I realised that evil isn’t just confined to the pages of a book I read when I was five; but instead it’s a real thing, prowling, lurking around every corner, ready to jump out like a figment of your worst imagination.

So, life isn’t a fairy tale. It took me a long time to accept that, longer than I’d like to admit. However, now, I like to think that life is more of a comic book, and I’m Wonder Woman or something and I fight for justice while battling evil and looking hella good along the way. And, I’m okay with that. It’s better to be the damsel in distress who can handle it than the damsel in distress who’s weak and defeated.

As I always say, they may have tried to break me, but they forget I’m unbreakable.


Honestly, this isn’t my proudest work, but out of all the drafts I made for this article (trust me, there were loads), I liked this one the most. If you did enjoy this though, please like it, it’ll mean the world to me!

A Letter to Past Me

I have actually already done an article like this! But, instead of writing to my Future Self, I have decided to write a letter to my past self, six years ago, when I was 10 years old. Look at me go, linking stuff together!


Dear past Tati,

You’re about to go into secondary school this year! I know, you’re terrified of losing friendships and things, but trust me, for every shitty friend you lose, you’ll gain am amazing friend who will always support you through thick and thin.

I won’t lie to you, secondary school is tough. There will definitely be multiple moments where you’re ready to give up and just throw your future away. Don’t do that! Your future looks so bright and you got this.

You’ll explore and find passions you didn’t even know you had, you’ll learn so many new wonderful things, just make sure to take everything in and stay calm.

I know you love jumping into things head first, but try avoid it. Think things through and consider logical reasons to avoid doing something stupid.

Throughout school, you’ll find your voice. It’s a horrible journey to get there, but as soon as you do, you’ll be ready for whatever life throws at you.

You’re a tough cookie Tati. People have tried to break you before, but you’ll forever get up again and continue fighting and you’ll become completely unbreakable. As Legally Blonde’s Brooke Windom says: “what doesn’t kill us makes us hotter!” which is true, at least for your hair.

Don’t worry about your hair, just be warned that at the start of year nine you made a choice. Your hair is fine now though!

You can also do makeup, which makes you feel like the boss ass bitch which you are.

You’ll find yourself Tati, I do promise you that much.

Love yourself and give yourself more credit ๐Ÿ™‚

Fifteen (almost sixteen) year old Tati xxx

Three Lessons I Want My Children To Learn From Me

I like this topic! It’s quite different but it’s a thinker and I’ve worked out exactly what I want my kids to learn. I don’t really want kids, but if I ever change my mind, this is what they need to know. I could have a few stupidly obvious things, but I’ve decided on three different things that I’ve learnt throughout the years. God, I say years like I’m old, I’m still not 16 yet! Yikes. Anyway… on with it!

1. Life’s not fair, get used to it.

A quote pulled directly from my Dad’s getting-your-daughter-to-shut-up-dictionary. Ever since I can remember, if I’ve ever complained about something pretty miniscule, my Dad would say that phrase. When I was younger, I always thought it was really mean, but now I’m older [yep, still acting like I’m super old. This will almost definitely be a reoccurring theme], and (a smidge) wiser, I realised it’s actually true. Life sucks, man. Either you can moan and groan at every single small issue, or you can shut up and strive on. The only way for unimportant things to leave you alone, is to walk around them in your path of life. Get used to the small annoyances in life so you can face them all head on when you’re ready.

Slight side-note, but please appriciate that ever since these imaginary kids have appeared, I am acting like I’m some sort of a prophet/God. Is this what having kids does to you? Wow, I have so many questions!

2. Aspire for success, and don’t accept anything less.

Kind of a cute story behind this one. I was talking to someone about how shitty all my ex boyfriends were and he said this to me. Even though he meant it about partners, I feel like this applies to pretty much anything. I just love the idea of aiming high and achieving it, and I feel like these “words of wisdom” pretty much mean that you should never rest on your laurels, no matter how much easier that may be. You were bought here to achieve great things, so it’s only fair that you at least try.

3. Never shut up. It’ll be your greatest quality.

In my lifetime I have been called almost every slur in the book. All because I stand up for what I believe in. Make sure that if you believe in something so strongly, you will go to the ends of the earth to get your voice heard. As you grow older, your voice will merely become louder and those who try silence you are just jealous. Be proud of yourself, you’ve made it this far ๐Ÿ™‚

The Best Days: Missing the Memories

First of all, it’s my brother’s birthday today, so yay him! Just reached double digits, and even though I can’t really post a photo of his face here, I’ve decided to turn him into Danny DeVito (my king) and put a photo of the king instead of my baby.

I’m not shrinking it because I think we should appreciate him in all his glory

Moving rather swiftly on from my funny five minutes, things I miss.

You are all almost definitely aware by now that I am a super emotional person and I end up missing lots of things, people and objects alike. It’ll take way to long to list every single thing I miss, so I’ve decided to talk about one of the slightly more bizarre things I miss: days out, moments and memories.

Some days are so great that you can’t help but reminisce about them and wish that you could re-live that day again. I’m here to tell you about some of the most memorable days of my life, that I still can’t help missing now. I’ve been planning this article for a while now, and I finally have a reason to do it which is super cool! So let’s go! Two birds, one stone!

  1. The British Museum

In October 2018, I had one of the best days of my life. My family and I went to London to the British museum because my brother was studying Egyptians at the time and they have the famous Rosetta Stone there. After looking at the artefacts, something I really enjoyed, we met up with my Dad (he was working in London while we were at the museum) and went to my favourite restaurant chain: Hard Rock Cafรฉ. It was an amazing day and I constantly wish I could do it all again.

2. Day out in Brighton with my big brother

30th August 2019, I spent an entire day with my friend in Brighton. The last time I went there was when I was around six, so it was really nice to go again. The weather was gorgeous, we went up the I360 which was one of the most amazing experiences of my life – even though I’m super scared of heights, I adored this. We walked along the beach, played games at the pier and the weather was absolutely amazing. On a slightly different topic, the food was great. We both completely pigged out, Greggs washed down with Starbucks for a mid-morning snack, Taco Bell for lunch, pretty sure we had other snacks because that’s just how we are, and then McDonald’s for dinner, with a McFlurry at 10pm because that’s just how we roll. When I was feeling rubbish in school that following term, I just kept reminding myself of how much I enjoyed that day and how ready I am to do it all over again.

3. SITC

Even though it was two days, they were still the greatest days. I got so many hugs! I went with my amazing friend Thumper, and we met a load of new people who we instantly became great friends with, and dubbed ourselves “the bagel cult”. I felt super accepted by everyone I met and it was really cool to meet some of my all time favourite YouTubers.

4. Taylor Swift’s Reputation Tour Concert

You should by now be fully aware that I have a tiny obsession with Taylor Swift, so when my Mum got tickets to her tour, I was so excited. It was by far the greatest concert I have ever been to, the set was insane, the costumes were to die for and it was one of the greatest experiences of my life. As soon as she goes on tour again, you better believe I’m getting front row tickets.

5. The day in London with my Dad

As you can work out from context clues alone, I love London. I also love musicals and true crime, but that will make sense in a moment. So, when I was given the opportunity to go to the London Dungeons with my Dad, I grabbed it with both hands. It was so much fun, especially because they’d just introduced a new Jack the Ripper experience – something I was studying in school – so it was educational and so much fun! After we spent time walking around London, we sat in a McDonald’s (I think McDonald’s is a reoccurring theme to be honest), my Dad bought us tickets to see my all time favourite musical, The Book of Mormon, live in the West End! The seats were four rows away from the stage which was perfect and I loved it. The whole day was an amazing bonding experience with my Dad and I still wish I could relive that day over and over again.

Even though I really miss these days and experiences, I’m happy they’re memories, because even though I know I can never repeat them, they shaped who I am today and I’m so grateful to each of these experiences for giving me hope, or a safe space to think about when I’m in an awful situation. As Tay-Tay says…

Hold onto the memories and they will hold onto you.

New Years Day, Taylor Swift

Five Blessings

I can already tell you right now that this article is going to be super cringe and corny. In order to make myself still appear “cool” and “edgy” – two words you would probably never actually associate with me – I have added a few memes just to kind of balance the cringe out with “oh damn, she’s kind of funny”. In all seriousness though, every single thing I’m about to talk about is a complete blessing in my life and I am insanely grateful for every-single-thing I have listed here.

  1. My Mum and Dad
  2. My Friends
  3. My Brother
  4. Peanut Butter
  5. My blog

1. My Mum and Dad

15 Funniest Parenting Tweets Of The Week (July 7, 2019)
an accurate recreation of the hell I put my Mum through on the daily

If there is anyone who has always had my back, no matter what, it’s my parents. They’ve believed me since day one, making sure I’d be able to reach my dreams no matter what. They’re a shoulder to cry on, the best people to joke around with and, are just all around great people. They’re the reason I’m still here fighting today and the reason I have a peculiar sense of humour and, what I hold closest to my heart, they are the ones who showed me that I can do anything I want in this world. Thank you for making me feel completely fearless, you helped me at my highest highs and my lowest lows and I feel blessed to have you two crazies as my Mum and Dad.

2. Peanut Butter

Is Peanut Butter Good for You? Everything You Need to Know

Due to the fact I may or may not be tearing up over number one (I’m emotional, okay, now hush), I’ve decided to go down a slightly more light-hearted route and tell you about my one and only true love: peanut butter. When I say I love peanut butter, I don’t think you truly understand. When I was younger, I despised the stuff. I can’t really remember why but I know I hated it. That was until the summer of 2017. It sounds really sad that I remember the exact time and place, but it was the year I went to Disneyland, so I remember most of the things that happened on that trip. However, the most important thing that happened (this is debatable) was that I tried peanut butter for the first time in years… and I loved it. Ever since then, peanut butter has been there for me more than any friends or partners. Man, I love the stuff and I am blessed with it.

3. My Friends

Thanks for always putting up with my dramatic ass IIy โ€“ popular memes on the site iFunny.co #wholesome #memes #wholesome #loving #support #thanks #always #putting #dramatic #iiy #pic

If there’s anyone I know will have my back, it’s my friends. They put up with every single one of my insane ideas, schemes and impulse decisions. They’re like my babysitters who are almost as bad as me. Whenever we’re together, not one thing goes unsaid, we share it all and we’re not mad about it. I trust them with my life and they’re always so supportive, cheering me on with my idiotic ideas, while steering me away from my stupider ones. Each one of them has a heart of gold and I hold them all dearly to my heart, no matter how much we (play)fight.

I may be an idiot but I'm not stupid - Spencer Shay rom iCarly - Jerry Trainor

4. My Brother

There is not a single person in this entire universe who I want to protect more than my not-so-little baby brother. He may almost be 10, but in my mind, he’s still 3 years old. He’s one of the purest people I know and he always tries protecting me. Of course, we may not always see eye-to-eye, but that’s normal and I will forever love my small child, who I have taught all my greatest tricks to.

5. My Blog

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Even though I’m almost positive I’ve said this to death now, my blog is one of the greatest blessings in my life. It makes me feel important, as though I have a stage and that I may be able to make a change in the world. I know this is all super unlikely, but as I always say, I’m just a teen with a dream, ready to change the world at any moment.


Be grateful for the little things.

Words of Wisdom

I couldn’t really decide what I wanted to write as there are so many words of wisdom I could think of, so instead I have chosen a few of my all time favourite quotes and drop them here ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m differing from normal articles at the moment and I’m really sorry if this isn’t your thing, I just feel like this will flow best, I promise I will be back to my normal writing style tomorrow, I just feel I need these two days of slightly random-ness and I’ll be back on track. Thank you so much for your love and support, it means the world to me.


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10 Things Which Make Me Really Happy

Hi there and welcome to day one of my 30 day writing challenge! Day one is a very sweet one: ten things that make me really happy. I like this because it doesn’t just make me happy, it makes me really happy.

I thought about this for a while, and I think, finally, I have a complete list of what makes me really happy, so much so that I smiled so much while writing this.

  1. Dancing with my little brother I say this to everyone I speak to: I love my little brother with my whole heart. In particular I love dancing with him. We have already recreated Blurred Lines, Shake It Off and Starships but we are currently learning Beyoncรฉ’s iconic Single Ladies. It’s so fun just messing around and having a little boogie woogie with my little baby brother.
  2. Singing and performing Slightly similar to number one, but I love to perform and sing. I play on my ukulele and I feel infinite. I love transforming myself into another person, getting into their mindset and walking a mile in their shoes. It’s one of the best ways I can switch off my busy brain which is even more chock-a-block than the London Underground at 5pm!
  3. Writing my blog is the best creative outlet I have ever had. I have a platform, I can spread my message of equality while staying true to yourself, and I love the feeling I get when someone follows my blog or likes one of my posts (hint hint) because it shows me that all the effort I put into this wild website does benefit at least one person, for whatever reason. I cannot explain enough how much I love my blog, it is my baby and I love my baby.
  4. Messing around with my friends I definitely have the greatest group of friends in the history of the world, no doubt about it. They always make me laugh – even if I really shouldn’t. When I’m with them, I feel like I can take on the world. I smile so much when I’m with them and not a moment goes by when at least one of us isn’t giggling about something stupid or…
  5. Cards Against Humanity. Wow! What a smooth transition into number five! CAH is the game that really exposes you to your friends and whoever wins is the funniest of the week. We have started a new tradition where every Friday we’ll meet up and play together. We get super competitive and we end up laughing over the most ridiculous stuff (my friend who shall remain nameless, went into hysterics because a card simply said Kale.) and we turn aggressive and choose to personally attack every single person in the group one by one. All in all, a fun game for all the family! (That was a joke, I’d rather look at a strangers feet than play CAH with my family).
  6. Going to London. London is my favourite place in the whole wide world. I love the West End, the museums, art galleries, shops, the whole shabang. The atmosphere makes me feel so… alive and some of my favourite memories were made in London. One day, I’ll live there, and that thought makes me so happy and contented that I feel there is hope left.
  7. Recreating Musicals in my room. Actually, not just musicals, music videos too. Some songs are such bangers that you have to dramatically sing along. My personal favourites are: Look What You Made Me Do, Bad Guy, I Think He Knows, She’s So Lovely, Everyday I Love You Less and Less and The Man (both Taylor Swift and The Killers). They get me so pumped and hyped and I always love singing Don’t Lose Ur Head, History of Wrong Guys and Sexy. You can bet I kick that door down like there’s no tomorrow while sashaying out with the sound of Gwen Stefani blasting from my speaker.
  8. Art. I love art. One of my dream dates from when I was younger was going to an art gallery in London (you can see the link between these), and not much has changed. I love recreating artwork and looking at it. I just find it so fascinating that even with my microscopic attention span I can’t help but stop and stare.
  9. When I make my parents cry with laughter. When I was about 11 or 12, I first watched Jack Whitehall and Russell Howard doing stand up comedy. After that, I went through a small phase of wanting to do stand up myself. I’d still love to do that now, but realistically, I know I’m not that funny but, hey, a girl can dream so dream I will! However, I feel like my confidence sky rockets whenever I say something which makes my parents burst out in a genuine fit of laughter. I love it because it shows me that I can be funny and that I say and do things which interest others to become active listeners in the story of my life.
  10. That feeling when you wake up on a Saturday, just before noon, rays of sun shining through your curtains. Birds chirping, you can hear your family – those you love with your whole heart – laughing and chatting downstairs. In that moment I feel as though the world is my oyster and it’s times like those that I realise how truly blessed I am to be alive, I pushed through whenever the goings got tough and that happened a lot. This time last year I would never have imagined this is where I’d be now, but I wouldn’t change a bit of it. It’s all shaped me into the person that stands before me in the mirror today and she’s ready for anything life throws at her, because life throws a lot at her. She’s a damsel, she’s in distress, she can handle this herself, have a nice day.

Saturday Nights

So, I’m single and I’m happy this way. I feel like you need to know this to understand the context of my story.

Due to the fact I am a single lady, I spend Saturday nights alone. Even if it sounds incredibly depressing, I have come to look forward to these evenings as I feel it gives me time to focus on myself and I have time to properly care for myself.

After spending time with my brother, when he goes up to bed, I normally call my friends just to see how they’re doing and things. I do this for about half an hour, then, when the sun starts to set, the party for one begins.

I’ll turn off all communication with the outside world, grab my Winnie the Pooh blanket, turn my laptop onto airplane mode and switch on the TV, searching for something to watch. Every few weeks, I decide to watch some stand-up comedy which is what I did this evening. I’ve always loved stand-up because it’s so light-hearted and you can just switch off and laugh your worries away. It also makes me feel less alone because of the interpersonal relationships you build with the comedian performing (media studies ftw). This evening I watched an array of different funny guys: Pete Davidson, Donald Glover, Bo Burnham and then ending with Russell Howard. Each of these comedians mean something to me, hence why I chose them this Saturday Night.

Before I pressed play on Pete Davidson, I decided to get some snacks. I normally get super hungry from around 9pm onwards so I helped myself to a bowl of cereal, a pear, some strawberries and chocolate. This may sound healthy now, but wait a few hours and you’ll see me turn into a hungry hippo!

Munching away, I resumed watching comedy, feeling at ease listening to their jokes which appealed to my dark sense of humour.

At around 11pm, I was part way done with Bo Burnham’s “Be Happy” and I got hungry again. I paused my game of solitaire and got my Dad to make me some cheese on toast. Not to be cheesy (I apologise profusely) but my Dad 100% makes the best cheese on toast in the world – no questions asked.

After entering cheese heaven, I continued watching Netflix and playing solitaire when at 1am, my Mum finally managed to convince me to go to bed. After talking to my parents for a while, I went to bed, put on some YouTube and drifted off to a magical world of slumber.

Why did I post this article you wonder? Being single is portrayed as the worst thing on earth, when in reality, I cherish evenings where I can just be myself and ugly-laugh to my hearts content. That to me is self-love.

What’s your version of self-love? Everyone is different and there are no wrong answers. Just remember to disconnect from your phone once in a while and take time for you and you only.

Love and hugs, Tati xo

Random Things I’ve Been Doing During Lockdown

See, I vowed to stop writing lockdown articles because I feel like it just gets everyone down and that’s not good because I’m here to inspire, encourage and just help everyone to vibe! But, I felt like this was a rather light hearted article, so I caved and decided to write it. I hope you enjoy and there’s a notice at the end which is kind of important!

Since GCSEs were cancelled, I’ve needed to find something to do for all the time I was meant to be revising and working. I complete all my schoolwork the day it’s set (nerd, I know), which means I have a lot of free time. I could spend this time catastrophising and falling down the deep pit of despair, but that’s very unproductive, and I love being organised and busy. (I ooze Pinterest mum energy if you haven’t been able to tell) Instead, I have devoted my time into random skills and hobbies which may (but most likely may not) help me in the future! If you’re sat at home, bored out of your poor little mind, never fear! For Tati is here!

This is also a good way to keep you busy so you don’t focus on the negatives, thus helping your mental health ๐Ÿ™‚ – I’ve got your back babes xx

  1. I can now make sushi! This is a super random one, but for Christmas last year I got a sushi making kit, but I never really had the time to actually make the sushi. Luckily, I have all the time in the world now! (I don’t actually know if that’s lucky…) Nonetheless, I have really enjoyed making sushi and giving it to my friends and family.
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

2. I’ve been doing lots of artwork. I used to love doing mindful colouring – I found it very calming and the end product made me happy. However, recently I have decided to step out of my comfort zone and draw as well. I’ve never been that confident in my artwork and so it’s been really lovely to be proud of my work – which is a rarity for me!

3. I have found solace in Solitaire. A strangely therapeutic game for me, whenever I’m bored or need to relax I just play a game of solitaire! When I was about six or seven, I used to always play with my Grandma and she’d help to show me all the tricks of the trade and I’m looking forward to showing her how much I’ve improved since then!

Photo by Midhun Joy on Pexels.com

4. I’ve organised my room on multiple occasions. I have thrown loads of stuff out of my room and it has been very cathartic. It feels like I am giving myself a fresh start and I’m trying to start a new chapter in my life. You know what they say! Clean room, clean mind, organised room, organised mind.

5. Present shopping! My Mum, Dad, brother and I are all summer babies. This means that there is a lot of present shopping around this time. Now, let me tell you this: I love present shopping. It’s an obsession at this point. If it’s anyone’s birthday coming up, I’ll make a board on Pinterest (which you should definitely follow me on here) and then I decide what present I think will suit them best. I feel like Santa, analysing exactly what I think everyone wants and what will give them the most joy. If Santa ever needs some time off, I’m your (wo)man.

6. Organising parties! This was one of my favourite things to do before lockdown, and it’s still my favourite thing to do now! I love planning things, especially parties and because it’s the big sweet sixteen coming up, I’ve been planning for that! It helps me to focus on one thing and it really helps my budgeting skills and party planning abilities in general!

Photo by Melissa on Pexels.com

7. Fitness routines. I’m a sucker for a routine and when it comes to working out, nothing really changes! I’m working on a few articles at the moment about being fit and healthy as a teen so follow my blog so you can be notified every time I post a new article! ๐Ÿ™‚

Photo by Trang Doan on Pexels.com

8. Re-branding myself. This lockdown, I have dedicated much of my time to becoming the true Tati. I’ve been working on articles here so I can post once or twice a week, I’ve been wearing whatever I want, I’ve been cutting out all the fakies and the flakies for good which is really exciting. I’m finally starting a new chapter of my life and I’m excited for you all to come along for the ride!

9. Practicing make-up looks! Every time I go out of the house, I’ve been trying a new look to go with my outfits (you can see more of my outfits here). It’s been another fun creative outlet and I know I’ll be able to look my best for sixth form this September!

Photo by Kaboompics .com on Pexels.com

10. Modelling and taking photos. I’ve been working a lot on my Pinterest recently and this leads me neatly into my news…

As you know, I deleted Instagram in February but I’m planning on re-downloading it at some point. Until then, I have appointed a new member to the Totally Tatian clan – Estella! Estella is in charge of my Instagram and she is my photographer as well as my overall rock. She is the one who I run through all my ideas with and she takes all my photos. Go give her some love and while you’re at it you should follow me ๐Ÿ˜‰

Thanks for reading, love you all, Tati xxx

becoming tatiana.

When I began this blog, I created a character of sorts. Her name was Tatiana and she was everything I wanted to be in life and more.

A sarcastic voice of reason, Tati was an outspoken girl in a man’s world. She wasn’t simply an alter ego to me, she was the person that I was afraid of being all those years.

I was a very shy person, constantly worried about what people thought of me and how I was portrayed in this big wide world. That changed when I started this blog. Tati was confident, bubbly, overall a teenage girl who appeared to be completely at peace with herself. As time progressed, I began transforming into this person I’d always dreamed of being. I was relaxed, didn’t really care what people would say about me – and trust me, they said a lot. I wasn’t just transforming in real life, I was transforming here to. I became very honest with my readers, explaining to them what had happened in my past and how it shaped me to be who I am today. Totally Tatiana wasn’t just a creative outlet anymore, it was a place I could go, a safe haven where I felt understood and not judged.

I’ve began writing about anything and everything. I’m not doing this for the “greater good”, I’m doing this for me, because I am Tatiana. I act like a queen because I am a queen. I’m so happy that this blog has helped different people, but it has helped me too.

I’m doing better than I ever was, the nightmares and PTSD are practically non-existent, my meds are working super well, I don’t need therapy as much any more, I feel safe and secure and overall content with how everything has turned out.

This time last year I was a hot mess, this year, I’m still a hot mess, but I own that shit now. I’m Tatiana and I am strong and powerful and I have finally become at peace with myself.

The world’s given me some pretty bad situations, but I keep on fighting and rising higher. Bring it on.

I’ll see you at the top. T xx