better.

TW// sexual assault, rape, suicidal thoughts, self harm, abuse, eating disorder

VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED

❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

two years ago i experienced some of the toughest weeks i have ever faced. i have been very open about my experiences but it was so insanely tough, i am still very shocked i am here, albeit with bruises, scars and memories which may never fade.

since then, i have improved a lot. i am far more open about how i am feeling and i have finally put a definitive end to my self destructive nature, quitting the toxicity for good.

it’s been a long two years, but it’s safe to say i’m getting to the other side now.

i may hate my scars which will never heal, as they remind me of the times others had such a strong hold on me.

i may hate looking at my own reflection, never feeling satisfied with the way i look, making me feel inadequate and unworthy of all this love.

i may hate the fact my mind tries to convince me that the only way to ever stop feeling like this is to stop existing, despite knowing it’s untrue.

i may hate the fact i can never fully relax, always feeling wary and scared of others.

i may hate what i’ve done in the past, never feeling able to fully forgive myself for my actions.

i may hate all of these insecurities…

but that’s ok.

because i am so much stronger now, maybe not physically, but mentally i am wonder woman.

and soon you will be too.

because,

even though

i never believed others when they claimed

“this too shall pass.”

convincing myself they were just making it up, simply to make me feel better.

but all the darkest clouds are clearing now.

hope.

it may be small, but it can be a persistent one.

and i’m holding onto that hope

until the day i die.

❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

one hundred posts.

I started this blog in September 2019. Even though a lot has changed since then, my blog has been the biggest constant in my life.

Through all the fake friends, rumours, partners, homework, grades, exams, sexism and inequality, this blog has been there for me. It’s here to help me rant and rave and yell. It’s my way of getting my voice heard in this world.

At the times I wanted to give up, I came onto my blog and it always helped to give me hope.

Now, I’m at 100 posts – that’s a lot. Even though I’m not a big fan of all my articles, I’d never delete them or change them for the world. They show my own personal development, opinions and growth overall.

I started this blog as a 15 year old who hated what was happening to the world. As I continue this blog, I have discovered that whilst I still hate some of what’s happening in the world, I am also grateful for so much of it. From the crazy friends I have, to the best family I have, to the random things which I cannot give up, I think I am so much better than I once was.

I started this blog to share my anger, as an outlet, somewhere to yell and scream. I’m now here, spreading my message of hope. It does get better, and I am so incredibly happy that I decided to stick it out to see how far I’ve come.

I started off with the only people reading were my family and some very close friends. But, as I’ve developed alongside my blog, I find that I have readers from all around the world, each of them reading what I have to say, over 100 different people, most of whom I don’t know from Adam, tuning in to hear what little old me has to say. It’s insane.

This whole thing is so crazy to me, but I am not going to be giving it up any time soon. I may have started this to prove the negative nay-sayers wrong, but I’ve continued it to prove that I’ve got this, that there is still a light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how painfully long that tunnel is.

thank you, for giving me this platform and letting me post all my random things here, I love you all xxx

and to all those who thought I couldn’t:

I’m going to achieve even greater things, just you wait.

Lockdown Loving: Coronavirus and Valentines

“Love is in the air…” You know what else is in the air? Coronavirus.

This is the first ever time in my whole 16 years of existence that I will have a partner on valentines day. And, of course this is the first ever time in my whole 16 years of existence that I will be forced to spend it alone, at home, with Netflix, ice cream and general sadness. (It’s normally my choice which somehow makes it less depressing)

All jokes aside, this is going to be a pretty rubbish Valentines day. I normally spend it with my friends [like I did last year when I went to see Birds of Prey] and it’s sad because I miss my friends and my boyfriend and this lockdown seems to be so much more depressing than the last two. But as lonely as it can feel, I’m going to battle through it, and you should too! If you need a little push to stay motivated please read my latest post here, but if you want ideas on how to keep in contact and stay close with the ones you love while staying away, you’ve come to the right place! Everything that I write about here has got the Tati Tick of Approval – and they have really helped me get through things.

Before I officially begin this article I just want to remind you all that even though it may feel like it, you are in no way alone. You are strong, you are powerful and you can definitely get through this! It may feel hard at the moment but I promise that you can do it! Love you all xxxx


First of all, I’ve said since the start of lockdown, it’s super important to stay in contact with the constants in your life! At least once a week, I FaceTime my bestie, every single evening I Skype my boyfriend, and whenever I can, I talk to my grandparents. I also text all the ones who I love pretty much 24/7, and we have our normal, zany conversations just virtually! I know it’s tricky, but it’s better than nothing ❤

Plus! You can do all sorts of virtual stuff together! Have a pixel party! (trademark Tati). Spending the day together has honestly never been so easy! I watch one movie each week with my boyfriend (so far my personal favourites were Kung Fu Panda and Star Wars: A New Hope!), we also have times where we just eat together, and play games together! With my other mates, I’ll call them whilst I put on my make-up, I’m baking, working, and just generally chilling and enjoying each others company. It’s casual, it’s fun, and it’s perfect for those days that you just want to talk to someone or don’t want to be alone.

Give them gifts! Of course, the worst gift you can give them is a positive coronavirus test… so make sure you do this safely! Face masks and socially distanced at all times! You can send them letters, parcels (Etsy and Not On The High Street do some really great self-care letterbox parcels), care packages – just to show you’re thinking of them, and finally you can bake and deliver! Of course, all of these you need to be vigilant, but it means the world to someone, just popping around with some food, trust me 🙂

Finally, even though you can’t do cute things currently, there’s no problem with planning things post lockdown. It’s nice to see an end goal, even though it doesn’t seem possible right now. I’ve got a mini-list full of concert dates, theme park trips, movie marathons and more!


Just remember, you can get through this, it may seem hard right now, but tomorrow you’ll be one day closer to seeing the ones you love, and the day after that you’ll be closer too!

Stay safe, love you all,

Tati xxx

Did I Achieve My 2020 Goals?

I know, I know, this article should’ve been posted before 2021 started, not halfway through January!  I’ve just been kind of busy recently and I wanted to post this so I could officially move on from 2020 – for good.  I did have this article partially written up, all ready to be completed and published, I just… didn’t.  I had other ideas for articles, then I felt like it was too late, but now I am finally sat down here, on a mission to do this, for my mental health more than anything else.

I had lots of great plans for 2020, it’s just a shame that I didn’t exactly get to achieve all of them…. Nonetheless, I was on a mission to make the most of it, no matter what!  In my post my 2019; I discussed what big plans I had for the year ahead and my top goals and how I was going to be coming back at the end of the year, hopefully to tell you how well I did!  Even though I didn’t get to achieve all my plans (a moment of silence please for The Killers concert, Six performance and the trip to America that never was), I still managed to try and achieve all eleven goals I set myself, and I’m here to prove it!

So, without further ado, these are the goals I set myself, and an honest response as to whether or not I did it!

  1. Become better with physical contact! This one did take some time; I’ll be honest with you.  I was getting a lot better, but then certain events took place which meant that I was back too square one.  Luckily though, through continued support of friends and family, therapy experiences, medication, and my own will, I finally did it!  Now I can confidently say to you that I only slightly flinch when I’m not expecting someone to touch me but I’m normally completely okay with it!  Of course, I do still have some moments which are tricky, but I am getting on in leaps and bounds, considering I used to freak out and have a panic attack when anyone reached out to touch me, so I am very proud of myself.
  2. Partake in a protest/march. Okay, I have an excuse for this!  I wanted to but due to coronavirus, I didn’t really feel comfortable partaking in any of the BLM marches/protests.  It’s a shame, but I’m carrying on this goal to 2021!!
  3. Go to a pride event.  Yet again, due to COVID, I couldn’t go to a pride event which was a shame.  But yet again, 2021, I will be going!  Hopefully!
  4. Try to post once a week!  This one honestly started out so well!  It’s just a shame that I burnt myself out and became super busy.  This year I am going to post at my own pace, whatever I want, whenever I want.  It’s worked pretty well for me so far, so let’s hope it stays that way!
  5. Pass at least five GCSEs.  Whilst I didn’t actually get to do the exams, I took thig goal and my word I ran with it!  Not only did I pass five, I passed all the core subjects and all my other exams too! (more on that here), so I’d say, yeah, I think I achieved this goal pretty well!
  6. Become my own person.  After a long process of “self-discovery” I guess you’d call it, I think I’ve finally done it!  I’m now proud to say I’m not “a part of” anyone or anything else, I am completely just Tatiana, no more, no less – and that’s just the way I like it!
  7. Become someone others look up to.  I think I did that.  After I helped a kid in year eight, I realised I could become a good role model, despite certain rebellious ways and features!  I hope that as I grow up and develop myself more, that I become more of a role model and others are inspired by my story of growth, instead of just feeling sorry for me.
  8. Get out more!  God, what irony am I right?  Despite being unable to go out for a lot of 2020, I did manage to go outside and – when it was legal – socialise!  I definitely tried to achieve this, despite things trying to stop me!
  9. Stop feeling bad about what I can’t control.  Man, 2019 Tati was a prophet, wasn’t she?!  I think that during therapy, I really tackled this goal head on.  It was something which I struggled with the most, and I’m proud to say that I am doing a lot better!  I feel like I now have far more control in my own life, due to the fact that I’ve accepted the fact that I can control certain aspects of my life.  All’s well that ends well!
  10. Read More!  I think I’ve done that! It’s been a struggle to keep my focus, but I’m definitely a lot better.  I’m now on my third book of 2021, so I am pretty proud of myself.
  11. Never lose sight of my morals.  Something I will stay true to until the end.  I have my morals which I keep close to my heart, and no matter what, I will not ever betray them – which I think is pretty sound advice too!

Lockdown 3: Staying Motivated (even though it’s super hard!)

They do always say third time’s the charm… Maybe we’ll finally knock out the virus this time?


Only the second post of the year and it’s already gone to shit… yeesh.

Since the excitement of staying at home wore off… almost a year ago, it’s super hard to stay positive during yet another national lockdown. However, most of 2020 was about making the most of a bad situation, and even though it’s going to be super hard, it’s important that we try and keep moral up throughout this lockdown. My gorgeous girlie Blondie said that it would be a very positive thing if I wrote an article on how to keep motivated during lockdown, so I am giving that to you lovely lot! I’ll be honest with you, this was a hard article to write because as of recently, I cannot help but be slightly cynical about everything that’s going on. Nonetheless, writing this cheered me up immensely. Of course, it’s completely fair to be pissed about it all, I’m pissed about it all! This is going to be tricky, but we’ve got this. We’re strong, we’re doing good, we have Taylor Swift on our side, we can do this together!

DISCLAIMER: I know this is a difficult time for us all, there’s no sugar coating it. if you feel as though you need extra support, please don’t hesitate to contact any of the numbers here. Remember, no matter how much you feel it at times, you are not alone.

Photo by Yaroslav Danylchenko on Pexels.com

My Main Aim This Lockdown:

My overall goal for this lockdown is to get shit done, and look good while doing it.
I don't care what it is I'm doing, but you better believe that I am going to be looking my absolute best and working to be my absolute best so I'm ready for post-lockdown season!

The Personal Bits and Bobs I Will Be Doing:

My AS exams have been cancelled, but so far my A Levels have not, so most of my lockdown will be spent on Microsoft Teams, trying to scribble down notes from lessons, ensuring I understand it all, and just trying my hardest to be prepped for my A Levels! This is a good thing as it keeps my mind active. It stops the boredom seeping in, and it’s very good just for life in general!

On top of this, I will be doing daily workouts and fitness (more on this later!) and I’m doing something with a few of my friends where we’re going to have daily/weekly catch ups.

I am a complete social butterfly. I thrive off of speaking to others, which is the main reason I struggled so much in lockdown number one. This time, I have organised Skype calls with my boyfriend daily (something we’ve been doing since before Christmas), and weekly FaceTime calls with my gorgeous girl-friend. This is a great way to catch up with all of their crazy ways, gossip about whatever is on our mind and just generally have some interaction with others my own age.

Another thing which I’ll be doing this lockdown (much like I did in the previous two lockdowns) is I will be preparing myself for amazing, wonderful things after lockdown. By the end of this lockdown, I’ll have a to-do list ready and waiting to be completed, ready and waiting to make memories. This was one of the things which has kept me going for so long and I’m not letting it go when I need it most!

What I Am Doing To Help My Mental Health:

As you know, my mental wellbeing is something which I have struggled with for years now. However I am most definitely on the mend, I still have a bit of a way to go, and that’s okay! One big plan which I have for this lockdown is my new mini-challenge which I’d love you all to take part in! get dolled up with no-where to go is a new plan which lets me treat every day like it’s a fashion show, wearing all my cute outfits, trying out new makeup looks, and just generally taking care of myself and my appearance. It helps me to feel more in control of my life, which is something I think we can all agree I need now more than ever.

Something else which I began in December was looking after something other than myself. I bought three cacti from IKEA and I love them with my whole heart. They look cute, they give me the motivation to get out of bed, they’re not too high maintenance and they are super cute! Whenever I feel upset I remind myself I need to look after my plants, whom I have endearingly named “my children”. It honestly helps a lot and I recommend anyone who’s feeling a lack of motivation currently.

Finally, I will be doing a bunch of hobbies and things which cheer me up, and I will be talking about those more later! Feel free to use my ideas, I hope you find they help!

What I’m Doing to Help My Physical Health:

As I mentioned in my last post, I am going to be working on my wellbeing and fitness, and I will be explaining it a little more here.

As I briefly mentioned, my boyfriend has made me see fitness a whole new way. He showed me what wonders it’s done for his own self-confidence, and I’m sure you’ll reap the benefits also. It’s incredibly good for your wellbeing, releasing endorphins into your body, and overall just getting that post-lockdown-ready-for-the-beach-body! Soon I’ll be posting a list of exercises which are COVID Friendly – meaning you can do them at home, with no extra equipment!

I will also be looking after my skin, using masks I got for Christmas from MadBeauty, sticking to a strict skincare routine, eating healthier and drinking lots of water!

All of these things are very important to consider, and don’t forget to go outside once a day, and get that Vitamin D!

Things to Think About – Ideas and Inspiration for Lockdown Activities:

Of course, as much as I love to, I don’t want to just talk about me for this whole post! This is also about you, your mental wellbeing and what will help you during these tough times. Hopefully some of these ideas will help and if you have any more, feel free to comment them, I’d love to hear your ideas!!

  • Start a new hobby! Sky’s the limit.
  • If you’re a dab hand at sewing, why not sew face masks for you and your family? Protect yourself and those you love, but why not look cute doing it?!
  • Drawing! Last lockdown, I really loved going on walks and seeing all the rainbows in the windows and the “Thank you NHS” signs and more! I really want to keep that up this time so, you know what to do!
  • Read! It never hurts to transport yourself to a COVID-Free world! Currently I have set myself a mini challenge to read 12 books in 12 months, let’s see how I get on!
  • Netflix! The Office (US) is on the UK Netflix now so… what are you waiting for?! It’s brilliant, and I can guarantee you I’ll be watching it over and over again.
  • Cooking/baking! It’s a calming chemical reaction following a recipe, which I enjoy hugely. No time like the present!
  • Try out new makeup looks! If they fail horrifically, who’s going to know?
  • Organise your house – get a head start on spring cleaning! You got this.
  • Keep your mind active, playing logic games, things like Trivia or even Monopoly, watching game shows and yelling the answers at the TV and getting annoyed when the contestants are wrong, they’re fun pastimes which will keep you alert which is always good
  • Take some photos! Sing! Dance! get creative!
  • And most importantly, have at least 20 minutes each day to just… breathe. You need it, just calm down and relax!

Self Love Goals for 2021

Hey, I haven’t seen you since last year! ahahahaaaa, not funny Dad joke out of the way… on with the article!


Something which I began a few years ago, is instead of creating New Years resolutions, I create self love goals for each month. Each month helps me to focus on myself and bettering myself and just improving my general wellbeing. Each month usually has a particular theme which I abide to, but this year I’ve decided to set myself some main challenges for the whole of the year, and editing and adding them each month to fit with what my focus is. I have twelve main goals for 2021 to help me embrace different things in my life, and they are just overall factors which I wish to improve on. So, without further ado, these are my twelve goals for 2021! ~ Tati xxx


  1. Do more of what I love, even if that means I have to say no to people. Something very important which I learnt from therapy is that it’s okay to be selfish, as long as you are protecting yourself. I have a bad habit of being a people pleaser, something which is often detrimental to my wellbeing. This year, I am going to focus on saying no and being more honest with those around me. If they don’t understand I need to take time for myself, then I don’t need them in my life quite simply!
  2. Keep up on the physical aspects of self care. I am slowly getting to grips with the mental aspects of self love, but I find myself often forgetting that physical care is also important. Ensuring that I relax, don’t spend too much time on technology, even taking care of my skin and hair, are all vital parts of self care and this year I will be spending time on each of these things.
  3. Keeping fit and healthy. Something I found when I was really struggling with depression in 2018 was that I often couldn’t bring myself to leave the house, but exercise was very good for me. My boyfriend is a bit of a fitness freak and he is constantly encouraging me to get my endorphins going by doing cardio and going to the gym. It makes me feel a lot better even if I’m simply walking somewhere instead of driving, getting out the house or even on those days where I really need to stay in, just opening the curtains and letting in those rays, opening the window to breathe in the air! It helps a lot and I’m planning on doing a lot more of it this year.
  4. Really dive into and focus on my schoolwork. At times, I used to feel completely isolated from others, abandoned by my friends, rumours flying left right and centre, it often felt like I was alone. At times like this I began coming to terms with the fact that the one thing which would never leave me was my career and hard work. This year I am on a mission to kick ass on my AS levels, even though “Ms Rona” [as my friend calls it] has her own plans! No matter what, this year school work and getting the grades is one of my priorities and it’s definitely a helpful one to possess!
  5. Finding (and keeping to) that healthy balance of school, family, friends, a social life, volunteering, work, relationships and having time for myself! I’ve spent so long trying to work out how to do this, and I think I am finally getting there. I have worked out that timetables work well for me during revision time and organisation is one of the best ways which I can balance everything, seeing it all right in front of me instead of just in my head really helps! This year I am going to do this all 365 days! If I control my own life then nothing can be too bad!
  6. Stop worrying about what others think of you! I got part of the way there in 2020 but I will master this in 2021! It’s all about self-confidence and staying true to myself, no matter how crazy ‘myself’ is! I’ll get there in the end, it’s all about practice, it seems.
  7. Dance and sing more! I really want to start doing this again and I am so happy I decided to continue with performing arts! I have started singing again and I am slowly getting back onto the dancing scene which is super exciting! I find it all super calming but also freeing and it lets my creativity go nuts!
  8. Accept the past, but don’t ever use it as an excuse for your actions. This is more just continuing to work on the foundations which I made last year. I have accepted that shitty things have happened to me and I am now slowly moving forwards. I will try my hardest nonetheless and I will definitely manage it all at some point and I’ll be stronger than ever!
  9. Cut out all types of toxicity: friendships, relationships, unhealthy foods, contacts, just everything! I am getting a lot better at seeing the red flags which is very good. However, I still have a bit of way to go. This year, I am sure I will work my way through it all which is a very good thing. Working out what positively and negatively impacts my life is a difficult thing at first, but I have been getting a lot better at it and I feel that with some practice, I can live my best toxic-free life!
  10. Read more – expand horizons! I don’t just mean books, I mean any form of literature! The news, magazines, books, tabloids, novels, comics, you name it, it will help me become a better and more well-rounded person which is very good!
  11. Reflection is a good thing. I enjoy tracking my mood and habits as it shows me how I’m doing. I reflect on the past day, past week, the past month, gosh, even the past year! It shows me self-improvement but also self-acceptance. It helps me keep on top of both healthy and unhealthy habits too, while giving me potential reasoning about causes for certain moods and emotions. It’s a very systematic and logical which I enjoy and it’s helpful to me as well!
  12. Take more photos! Something I need to do more is take more photos when I go out. It will help me to focus and appreciate the beauty of everything outside the house. Plus, I really enjoy it so – added bonus!!

my 2020 thank you’s

I like to count my blessings at this time of year, because I’m lucky for a lot of things and grateful for everything in my life, as rubbish as it feels at times. If you read my 2019 thank you, then any of my other posts, you’ll know that a lot has changed this year. From the obvious, to the slightly more personal which I still don’t really feel comfortable talking about yet, a lot has happened. As shit as it’s been, I stand by the fact that I am a bloody warrior. But, even though I’m strong, even strong warriors need help at times. And this article is just to simply say thank you to those who raise me up whenever I need it. I’m 5″6 regularly, but when I’m with this lot, I swear I could be 10 feet tall. So, here’s my annual gratitude post! Love you all, Tati.

First and foremost, the person who I care about more than anyone else, my little baby brother. He’s not exactly a baby, he’s 10, but he will forever be my baby. This year has been hard on him too, and he deserves more credit than I give him. He’s super duper active so staying inside has been a pain in the ass for him. But, he’s overcome it alongside me, through Just Dance, Beetlejuice and just starting every day on the right side of bed, he’s my little hero. He’s got a wicked sense of humour too – I’m proud to say he gets it from me! (my parents on the other hand… not as proud when he comes out with a slightly dark joke… sorry guys…!)

Second up, my saving grace throughout lockdown: my friends. These little shits were my rocks and my word what great rocks they were! We hung out almost everyday in the summer (you know who you are), we called everyday from March to May, and some of you, sixth form has made us super duper close, as much as you hate to admit it! All my friends are the sweetest, most supportive people I have ever known. They are all so funny, caring and fiercely loyal. I can’t get over how lucky I am that so many of them live close by and I can just pop over whenever I want to! All of you are perfect and you made me see that before I can let anyone else into my life romantically, I need to let myself in first. Even though it took each of them a lot of yelling, hinting, and just general “DUDE GET YOUR LIFE TOGETHER!”-ing, I finally listened to them and I can happily say my mental health is the best it’s ever been, from eating regularly and (relatively) healthily, to avoiding self-destructive habits which clouded my judgement almost all the time, to just accepting the fact that in myself, I am a decent person who just wants to get better even though I mess up at times. Through their love and encouragement, I’ve successfully managed to let myself into my own life, thinking about what I need, being selfish to protect myself, and even let in someone else without destroying my self-worth!

That’s a smooth transition into the next person I want to thank: my boyfriend. He’s the stupidest, smartest person I have ever met and I love it. He always cheers me up without even realising and he puts up with all of my crazy ways, just like how I put up with his. He’s driven and ready for life, so we both get on like too hyper-active peas in a pod. Plus, I’ve known him since year seven, we may have not properly spoken until late year eleven, but it’s all worked out in my favour, because I feel like I finally have a chance of a good relationship which is super duper exciting for me. He’s a good egg 🙂

A slightly more lighthearted one before I get deep and meaningful again, Miss Taylor Swift! I talk about her a hell of a lot, and that’s what you need to expect here, this blog is 50% my life and the other 50% a Swift fanpage. I feel she saved 2020 with her releases of not one but two albums: Folklore and Evermore! Taylor Swift is the perfect being, change my mind.

Okay, now my Tay-Tay moment is over, I want to say thank you to my parents! Since lockdown started, my Mum and I have slowly begun to turn into the same person, and I’m honestly not mad about it! She’s the one woman I look up to more than Taylor Swift in my life and I love her to bits. Of course, I can’t be grateful for my Mum without mentioning the other 50% of my DNA – my Dad! I won’t lie, it’s been a rocky road this year, but I’m proud to say we’ve come out better and stronger than ever! From sing-alongs (or just ruining songs), to coming up with strange catchphrases, to a strange chaotic trip to IKEA, my Dad and I are now extremely close! I love him and he gives the best hugs ever. No debate.

Next on both the family tree and the thank you list, my Grandparents! This lockdown has definitely been the toughest for them, but they seldom complain! From helping me with blog articles, to our weekly family quiz, to them all sending me chaotic memes with both make me laugh and concern me largely, I love them to bits! It’s been hard not getting to see them, but if it keeps them safe, I am happy to continue to run away screaming when my Grandad comes up to me (true story – I’m so sorry Grandad!!)

Finally, a slightly more unexpected one: the – to be quite frank – the dickheads of my 2020. Even though you were each total shit bags (and they were big shit bags), you have each been a part of my character development so cheers. You’ve turned me into who I am now, and I kind of love it so I’m embracing you and putting you out of my mind forever and always, you’re welcome.

That’s all! Slightly different than last years, but I do love this mini tradition! If you celebrate it, I hope you have a lovely Christmas, if not have an amazing December!

Love and socially distanced hugs,

Tati xoxo

why i took a break… [general life update]

So… hey guys… It’s Tati… Hope you remember me!

I’ve been logged off of Totally Tatiana for almost three months now, and I feel I should explain why to you guys.

As you all know, I struggle a lot with my mental health as it is. I have crushingly low self esteem, I struggle with PTSD, and I have to take medication for my depressive episodes. This September something bad happened. I won’t go into details, I’m just going to say it was bad. This caused a lot of knock on effects and my mental health plummeted and I went back to square one. This took away almost all of my motivation and I felt like I couldn’t bring myself to write on here whatsoever.

Through mountains of support from my friends, family and therapy, I am slowly getting better. there’s still a long road ahead, but I’m willing to try my absolute hardest to battle through this and I know I will get there eventually.

Thank you so much for all your support recently, I’ve been feeling so much love from you all, it’s kind of insane!

Hope this clears things up slightly, I promise I won’t take anymore undocumented breaks!

Love you all, stay safe,

Tati xxx

Hard Lessons

As I’ve worked my way through secondary school, I’ve learnt plenty of things the hard way. But I think the hardest thing I’ve learnt is that life isn’t a fairy tale and some people are just evil.

I like to see the best in people. However, people aren’t always great.

When you’re younger, you’re told fairy tales about how the mighty prince defeats the evil witch and saves the princess. However, when you get older, the like between good vs evil becomes gradually more blurred and that person you thought was your knight in shining armour could actually be a heartless witch in disguise.


The whole idea of good vs evil is something that really fascinates me. Are you born evil or are you raised that way? Can an evil person have a redemption arc? I’m in the process of researching for a properly science style article about the nature v nurture debate and how it can impact a person. That should be published next month at some point so follow my blog if you want to check that out!


Back onto topic, when I was younger, I dreamt of someone sweeping me off my feet and love at first sight and all that soppy crap. Now I’m older, I’ve finally started to realise that the world isn’t all blue skies, sunshine’s, and tan lines.

I don’t know when I got so cynical, but it was most likely after I got sexually assaulted for the first time. [I’m sorry, that was so blunt, I just don’t know how else to word it]. That was a turning point in my life. Yes, my short 15-year-long life. I realised that evil isn’t just confined to the pages of a book I read when I was five; but instead it’s a real thing, prowling, lurking around every corner, ready to jump out like a figment of your worst imagination.

So, life isn’t a fairy tale. It took me a long time to accept that, longer than I’d like to admit. However, now, I like to think that life is more of a comic book, and I’m Wonder Woman or something and I fight for justice while battling evil and looking hella good along the way. And, I’m okay with that. It’s better to be the damsel in distress who can handle it than the damsel in distress who’s weak and defeated.

As I always say, they may have tried to break me, but they forget I’m unbreakable.


Honestly, this isn’t my proudest work, but out of all the drafts I made for this article (trust me, there were loads), I liked this one the most. If you did enjoy this though, please like it, it’ll mean the world to me!

A Letter to Past Me

I have actually already done an article like this! But, instead of writing to my Future Self, I have decided to write a letter to my past self, six years ago, when I was 10 years old. Look at me go, linking stuff together!


Dear past Tati,

You’re about to go into secondary school this year! I know, you’re terrified of losing friendships and things, but trust me, for every shitty friend you lose, you’ll gain am amazing friend who will always support you through thick and thin.

I won’t lie to you, secondary school is tough. There will definitely be multiple moments where you’re ready to give up and just throw your future away. Don’t do that! Your future looks so bright and you got this.

You’ll explore and find passions you didn’t even know you had, you’ll learn so many new wonderful things, just make sure to take everything in and stay calm.

I know you love jumping into things head first, but try avoid it. Think things through and consider logical reasons to avoid doing something stupid.

Throughout school, you’ll find your voice. It’s a horrible journey to get there, but as soon as you do, you’ll be ready for whatever life throws at you.

You’re a tough cookie Tati. People have tried to break you before, but you’ll forever get up again and continue fighting and you’ll become completely unbreakable. As Legally Blonde’s Brooke Windom says: “what doesn’t kill us makes us hotter!” which is true, at least for your hair.

Don’t worry about your hair, just be warned that at the start of year nine you made a choice. Your hair is fine now though!

You can also do makeup, which makes you feel like the boss ass bitch which you are.

You’ll find yourself Tati, I do promise you that much.

Love yourself and give yourself more credit 🙂

Fifteen (almost sixteen) year old Tati xxx